Light hearted sayings

[mzajac]

Her face could make an onion cry

Son you have the touch of a rapist

You're about as smooth as sandpaper.

If brains were dynamite would couldn't even blow your nose.

You can't put a nail where a spike once lay!

[captcl]

You cut it twice and it's still to short!

[livin once]

"that fellas one sandwich short of a picnic"

"If you'll do more than what you are getting paid for, eventually you'll get paid more for what you do"

[Kahi]

"I'm Happier than a fag with a bag of dicks"

"Down like two flat tires"

"cool like the other side of the pillow"

"He's the type of guy to shoot out the other three tires when he gets a flat"

[Caliente]

When something is good- "That will make you take back shit you didn't steal"

[shoefish]

Crazier than a shit house rat

She's got a face that was meant for radio

Any job is like a tree full of monkeys- the one at the top looks down and all he sees are smiling faces, the ones looking up see nothing but a bunch of assholes.

Baby's got back....and front....and sides....

More chins than a chinese phone book

His family tree doesn't have any branches...

[slip slidin]

why couldn't i have been born rich instead of good looking?
i am so hungry i could eat the ass end out of a hobby horse!

[Tuna Meltdown]

Every once and a while a blind squirell finds a nut.

Out quiker than a fat chick in dodgeball.

Busier than a one armed paper hanger.

Colder than a witches tit.

[Sweet Caroline]

It's not everyday you get to fish in the rain.

She was so fat we had to get a rodeo clown to distract her so we could bring in the groceries.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not like the screaming passengers in his car.

[twodogs]

OMG the grandfather one just had me in freakin tears - that is good stuff...