HOW I SPENT CHRISTMAS DAY -SAGA ONE

[WAHOONBOX]

THE OL WAFFLE HOUSE.....PROBABLY SUBJECTED TO MORE OFF THE WALL BAD JOKES THAN THEY CARE TO CLAIM...I NOTICED THAT THE STAFF WAS FROM ALL NATIONALITIES TODAY....THE DIRTY FLOORS WERE AS I REMEMBERED...CERTIFIED NASTY....THE GREASY SPOON KING OF ALL LATE NIGHT CHOW HALLS THIS PLACE WAS.......AND WHAT I MOSTLY REMEMBER ABOUT THE WAFFLE: IT WAS A LATE NIGHT HANGOUT FOR SOME OF THE NATIONS FINEST DRUNKS AND DRUNKETTES

WELL TODAY IS CHRISTMAS DAY. A DAY OF FAMILY....A DAY FOR CHILDREN....A DAY OF EATING AT HOME CAUSE NOTHING BUT THE EAST COAST WAWA'S AND 7-ELEVENS ARE OPEN ......

OUR NATION CRIES DAILY FOR RETAIL SALES.....BUT NOTHING ....NOTHING IS OPEN ON CHRISTMAS DAY EXCEPT WAWA, MOVIE THEATRES.......AND THE WAFFLE HOUSE. I PASSED CHOW HALL AFTER CHOWHALL....ALL CLOSED UP AND MONEY JINGLING IN MY POCKET

THE PONEYTAIL FAMILY ASSEMBLED IN CHARLOTTESVILLE AT CRIBDADDIES EARLY THIS MORNING FOR A LIGHT BREAKFAST....FOR ME,... IT WAS SLICED ORANGES AND A HOMEMADE RAZZERRY BREAKFAST ROLL....

TRUST ME, I CAN DO WITHOUT THE CALORIES, BUT BY 12:23 PM TODAY.....I WOULD HAVE EATEN A GUTTED SNOWBIRD HAULED IN ON A CONFEDERATE GUTWAGON BY A TEAM OF TURKEY BUZZARDS........I SAID MY BYE BYES AND I QUICKLY PILED INTO PONEYTAILS CAR AND HEADED OUT IN SEARCH OF SOMETHING WITH A HIGHER NUTRITIONAL VALUE THAN CHEWING GUM.....I WAS DYING HERE. SERIOUSLY.....

I CRUISED DOWN HIWAY 29 JUST NORTH THE UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA....TRAFFIC WAS FAIRLY HEAVY BUT ZILCH WAS OPEN.....I HAD JUST CONSUMED MY LAST DIET DR PEPPER AND I WAS NOW IN PERIL.......

A COUPLE MORE MILES WERE LOGGED IN AND......"YOU'RE SHITTIN ME"......THE OL VANGUARD HERSELF....AN INSTITUTION WHO HAS BEEN AROUND AS LONG AS K-MART......THE PLACE WE NEVER GO...THE DIVE OF ALL DIVES....DA WAFFLE HOUSE

THE PARKING LOT WAS PACKED....STARVING PEOPLE WERE FIGHTING FOR SEATING SPACE TO EAT WHATEVER WAS AVAILABLE......SOME LOOKED LIKE DAILY REGULARS.....SOME LOOKED LIKE ME, THE STARVING DEAD.

9 WOMEN AND TWO MEN WERE BEHIND THE COUNTER.....DO YA BELIEVE IT?....ELEVEN PEOPLE SHOWED UP FOR WORK AT DA WAFFLE HOUSE ON CHRISTMAS DAY AND ALL ELEVEN WERE SMILING.....SOME LADIES WERE WEARING REINDEER HORNS............"MERRY CHRISTMAS " THEY YELLED AT ME LIKE A PACK OF REDNECKS AS I CAME THROUGH THE DOOR........."WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DRINK SUGA' "? one asked me toothlessly grinning proudly into my eyes

"WE HAVE COKE AND MR PIBB"....SHE VOLUNTEERED.....


duhhhh I'LL HAVE A WATER THANK YOU.......

she is passing my water to me........"MADE UP YOUR MIND YET?" she grinned WITH THE PENCIL WEDGED IN PLACE BETWEEN HER TWO TEETH. ( I SWEAR THIS IS THE TRUTH)


A MAN.....A NORMAL MAN WOULD HAVE GOTTEN HIS HUNGRY ASS OUT OF THERE AND HIT THE ROAD LOOKING FOR SOME FRESH ROAD KILL.................NOT ME.......I WASN'T SHITTIN YOU GUYS ONCE BIT WHEN I SAID I WAS HUNGRY

" I'LL HAVE A TEXAS MELT WITH A BOWL OF CHILI".. i proudly ordered

I WAS IN AWE AT THE SMILING FACES OF THIS WORK FORCE BEHIND THE COUNTER....THEY SEEMED TO GET ALONG WITH EACH OTHER....ALL ELEVEN OF THEM IN A 4 X15 CUBICLE......ONE GIRL OBVIOUSLY HAD A HEAD COLD AS SHE SNEEZED TWICE AND WIPED ONTO HER ARM SLEEVE....



THE ENTIRE DINER DECK WAS DOTTED WITH STREWN NAPKINS, STRAWS AND SUCH ..... A FALLEN NEWSPAPER FROM THE DAY BEFORE.....A CHUNK OF HASHBROWNS LIE JUST 6 FEET FROM ME ALL SMASHED UP......MY COUNTER TOP APPEARED TO HAVE A HALF MEAL LEFT ON IT DROPPED FROM THE PREVIOUS MIS-GUIDED FORK PRIOR MY ARRIVAL.....AW CRAP! THE TOOTH FAIRY TOOK ONE BIG OL SWIPE AT THE TID BITS WITH A DIRTY RAG AND ONTO THE FLOOR THE CRAP GOES....

"EXCUSE ME SIR, WILL YOU LIFT UP YOUR FEET?" came an accented voice behind me...... WHAT THE---------? A BIG OL FASHION MOP HEAD JUST TOOK A BIG OL FASHIONED SWIPE UNDER MY RAISED FEET....BEING HUNGRY AS HELL, I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE A HALF-EATEN SAUSAGE LINK TANGLED IN THE MOP HEAD...WITHOUT HESITATION SHE STACKED THE CHAIRS UP ON THE COUNTER TOP TO MY RIGHT & LEFT TO COMPLETE HER ATTACK .........YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDIN ME.....NO PRIOR SWEEPING THE FLOOR.....JUST WET 'ER DOWN AND SWAB DA DECK....... THATS RIGHT.....SAWISH IT AROUND GIRL!!! MY SHOES WILL DRY LATER......CLEAN THAT FLOOR!......

....HERE IT WAS MID DAY ON CHRISTMAS DAY .... ..AND EVERY PATRON-EVERY TABLE WAS ASKED BY THE MOP BANDIT TO RAISE THEIR FEET........


WHAT SERVICE.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WAS I SPEECHLESS? NOT REALLY............

"SIR, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN GET YOU?"

HOW ABOUT A CLEAN PAIR OF DRY SOCKS....I THOUGHT


I WAS HEADING TO MY NORMAL CHRISTMAS DAY AFTERNOON AT THE MOVIE THEATRE....."VALKERIE" WAS MY TARGET....I HAD ONE HOUR TO KILL.....A-A-A-A-A ... WHAT THE HELL...

THE WAFFLE HOUSE....CHRISTMAS DAY.....ALONE

THE BURGER MELT WASZZZ AWFUL GOOD.........








I TIPPED HER A JACKSON......SHE NEVER EVEN FLINCHED.

[HOLWACHAGOT]

This read was quite a Christmas Present! Another instant Box classic! I have never been that hungry. Thanks and Merry Christmas.
Holwachagot

[swell rider]

I can not stop laughing!!!! My wife and I just came back from a drive and like you said all that was open was Da Waffle house. Joked with her about grabbing a quick bite, she said she'd rather starve...Merry Christmas Ken

[Buckeye]

Dude you can make an adventure out of anything.

[JD5652]

Well today I had a great home cooked Christmas meal here in the great melting pot of Long Island, New York....and last night the Itialian feast of seven fishes....home cooked...tomorrow we'll top off the gastronomical event by a morning breakfast at one of the local Greek diners....... I do still prefer southern cooking, but I have to tell you...I've had a real treat being served like a king ov er the last couple days.....nope....not one Waffle Haus in sight up here.....

[dunn6253]

Box, can we leave the waffle house alone when I get down there in a couple weeks? But, the things you do when you feel like you are going to starve to death, you sometimes just have to do it.

[John from Madison CT]

After being in NC last week, I kinda miss the sight of a Waffle house every 800 yards.

Great story Box. Thanks for entertaining us.

BTW, how was the movie Valkrie??

[hotshot1]

Dude way too funny, reminded me of one Easter i had in the Ozarks with my wife, fiancee at the time, She flew out for the week during her break as I was still in Vet school, spent Friday and Saturday at Great Wolf Lodge , Coming home on Easter Sunday had to eat at a diner that most high class cockroaches wouldn't eat at, and had a hamburger 14 years later I still get reminded of the worst Easter dinner ever.

This was almost as good as the Spam Christmas dinner I had in the Carribean in St Kitts.

[saltwaterbucks]

Just like ole times...................Blues Mobile

[SeaBiscuit]

The national news mentioned that Google was on fire today with folks searching for a place to eat. The winner?.... IHOP! One step up from the waffle house, but definitely not as colorful as what Box just blessed us with.
A very Merry Christmas to all.
SeaBiscuit