THE HORRORS OF BEING PREGNANT

[WAHOONBOX]

TWAS THE NIGHT OF CHRISTMAS...AND ALL CREATURES WERE STIRRING ....






NOW MOVING ALONG 35 DAYS LATER.....THE 1ST PREGNANCY TEST IS PURCHASED........"THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!"......MERRY CHRISTMAS???

AFTER DOUG IMMEDIATELY HAULING HIS ASS BACK TO THE SAME DRUG STORE...TO PURCHASE HIS 2ND PREGNANCY TEST KIT ONLY A MERE 15 MINUTES AFTER KIT #1 SHOWED WHAM BAM THANK YOU MAAM POSITIVE....."ARE YOU SURE HONEY? YEP..THERE ARE TWO LINES "

A YET 3RD PREGNANCY TEST KIT WAS PURHCASED THE VERY NEXT DAY......MUST OF BEEN A FAULTY SET OF TESTS....EVEN BOUGHT A DIFFERENT BRAND OF TEST THIS TIME........SAME RESULTS


SECOND DAY : THE DOCTOR'S CONFIRMATION...." "

"WHAT ARE OUR PARENTS GOING TO SAY?? OUR PARENTS??? .....WHO CARES WHAT THEY SAY.......WHAT ABOUT BOX?

DOUGIE: "UHHH......WE NEED TO GO TELL UNCLEBOX"................."YOU TELL HIM".................."HELL NO, NOT ME...YOU TELL HIM!! .....IT'S YOUR FAULT!!......YEAH, BUT IT'S Y O U R UNCLE!!! ......DOUG HE IS GOING TO KILL YOU......."

TWO WEEKS LATER: LET THE PUKE-A-RAMA BEGIN

YEP, THE PUKING BEGAN AND LIFE AS "DOUGIEFRSHWTR" KNEW IT JUST ENDED.

IT WAS EVERY MAN FEND FOR HIMSELF AT MEALTIME. SO NOW DOUG MAKES HIS OWN DINNERS AND THEN SHE COMPLAINS OF THE SMELLS.

"I AM SO TIRED I CAN'T FUNCTION."

AND NOW, THE PREGNANCY BRAIN SETS IN. AIR HEAD PREVAILS....STUPIDITY IS A MILD ADJECTIVE AT THIS POINT.

"SHURDZ" STILL CONTINUES TO GO TO WORK EVERY DAY AT THE LAW OFFICE......

ONE DAY SHE LEAVES TO PICK UP THE MAIL AT NEWPORT POST OFFICE.....TWO HOURS LATER AFTER HER RETURN, HER CAR WAS STILL RUNNING IN THE LAW OFFICE PARKING LOT.

SHURDZ IS STILL PUKING AT WORK. EVERYONE CAN HEAR HER HEAVING.... "ARE YOU OKAAAAAY?.....HELL NO I AIN'T OKAY!!!!"

THE JOY OF PEEING IN PANTS AFTER A QUICK SNEEZE IN GROCERY STORE....PREGNANCY IS LOVELY MY ASS!

THE THERMOSTAT WARS..........IT'S SWEAT PANTS IN AUGUST FOR DOUG....AND SHURDZ IS BUCK NAKED.

THE ULTRA SOUND PHOTOS: "LET THE PINK PARTY BEGIN"!!!

5 MONTHS INTO THE DEAL: IT'S THE PILLOW FACTOR

"DOUG, I NEED MORE PILLOWS" ...."HONEY YOU ALREADY HAVE SIX"....."WELL GET ME MORE YOU IDIOT!!!"


BABY GETS THE HICCUPS...THREE TIMES A DAY

"DOUG, I HAVE HEARTBURN.....
TUMS. NOT THE LITTLE ROLL ...THE FAMILY SIZE PACK! THOUSANDS OF 'EM......THE FRUIT TUMS.......AND NOT TO LEAVE OUT ZANTAC....EMPTY PILL BOTTLES ARE LYING EVERYWHERE

"HONEY,.....I CAN'T SEE TO SHAVE"........"WELL WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?" ......."HELP ME SHAVE THATS WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO!!!!! "



THE ICE AGE. ......DOUG: "PLEASE LORD...I AM DYING HERE....IF THIS WOMAN CHOMPS ON ICE ONE MORE MINUTE I AM GOING TO SLICE MY WRIST!"..................."HONEY PALEEEESE GET ME SOME MORE CRUSHED ICE"......YES DEAR.


NOW COMES THE NEW IDEAS TO INDUCE LABOR:
1. WALKING....THAT DIDN'T WORK
2. RASBERRY TEA
2. SEX..............GEEZUS H THRICE ...THATS WHY WE ARE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!
3. PINEAPPLE......NOW IF THAT WASN'T ANOTHER STUPID IDEA
4. BUMPY CAR RIDES
5. INSERTING PRIMROSE PILLS
6. LET ME TRY SQUATTING..........PALEEESE, GIVE ME A BREAK!


SO.....NONE OF THE ABOVE WORKED.....ANY IDEAS GUYS AND GALS?


IS THAT A STRETCH MARK?

THE CONTRACTION PAIN..........DANG YOU DOUG!!!

THE ADVICE & QUESTIONS FROM OTHERS:

1. "ARE YOU GOING TO BREAST FEED?" ...UH...WHY NOT?..."IT'S NONE OF YOUR BIZNESS YOU NOSEY ***** THAT'S WHY NOT!"

2. "YOU MUST BE DUE ANYDAY NOW......"....ARE YOU KEEPING SOME KIND OF A GROWTH GRAPH CHART ON ME?

3. "WOW...YOUR HIPS ARE REALLY STARTING TO BLOOM"......duh...well thanks

4. COMPLETE STRANGERS STARE AT YOUR BELLY.....yes i am pregnant you stupid idiot.

5. COMPLETE STRANGERS EVEN TOUCHING YOUR BELLY .....DO YA BELIEVE IT?





HERE IT IS TODAY , SEPT 1, 2008......HERE I SIT WITH DOUGIE AND SHURDZ ON LABOR DAY OF ALL DAYS.....WE JUST FINISHED A HIKE IN THE FOREST HOPING TO INDUCE CONTRACTIONS...........THE PREGNANCY WADDLE ....NOW THAT WAS PRETTY







13 DAYS AND A WAKE UP TIL D-DAY

[SeaBiscuit]

Good God Box! Glad you 're not the pregnant one!
Funniest "labor" day read possibly ever!

Your legions of fans demand "great uncle Box" photos, when the baby comes!

Best of luck to Shea and Doug. They know it will soon be all worth it!

SeaBiscuit

[whowantstoknow]

congrats uncle box...but i got to say..you scared the crap out of me....i thought there was gonna be a li'll wahoonbox

[gradywhite273]

now that was some good stuff, outstanding, and no box, no using the planer rod either.....

[Captcrafton]

Going to the Doc on the 2nd to take a look and see if we can get started. "Looks like a big boy this time" the Doc says. Gee thanks! That really makes the wife excited, 16 hrs labor when my first son was born and he was only 6lb13 ozs. I will tell you that it is the most wonderful gift from the 'big man' you can ever receive. My son is three now and I can't even remember my life before him. So here i sit on labor day, tied the FRENZY to the dock on Saturday after catching a double header of sails, two blackfin and a dolphin. I promised the wife it would be the last trip until son number two arrives. Opening day of dove season, and gun deer season be damned and the sailfish are chewing, but I can wait, for that is what we do. It is a love like no other! UNCLEBOX has a nice ring to it. "UNCLEBOX take me fishing" will change your life forever. Hope all goes well.
P.S. A boatride started my wifes labor the first time.

[La Gringa]

SO.....NONE OF THE ABOVE WORKED.....ANY IDEAS GUYS AND GALS?

weeeell.... my first two were both late and errr.... aaaah... sex worked both times.....

[gottaflylee]

I just knew that when I got to toe bottom of all this, that you were going to say something about her water breaking in the hemi and she put out the planer rod so she could catch a Wahoo and you and Dougie could fix it for her dinner... pink huh...
Give her a big hug form me...ah second thought, just tell her that I send her one...

Oh BTW Captcrafton, I think that is GREATUNCLEBOX...

[Dougiefrshwtr]

weeeell.... my first two were both late and errr.... aaaah... sex worked both times.....

If having sex helps this situation....SEX IT IS......sorry "Bucks" and "BOX" a man gotta do what a mans gotta do...

[La Gringa]

If having sex helps this situation....SEX IT IS......sorry "Bucks" and "BOX" a man gotta do what a mans gotta do...

Good luck Dougie...!!!

[whitey]

If having sex helps this situation....SEX IT IS......sorry "Bucks" and "BOX" a man gotta do what a mans gotta do...

Isn't that what got you into this mess?

Good luck to you and SHURDZ.