HISTORY OF DA AMERICAN BRA STRAP

[FLATLINER]

A PERFECT STRANGER....A BABE....A NICE 'UN....WALKED UP TO ME IN A HIGH END GROCERY STORE

I WAS MINDING MY OWN BUZINESS LOOKING FOR SOME SUNDAY EVENING CHOW....CHECKING OUT THE RIBEYES AND PORTERS INSIDE THE MEAT COUNTER....WHEN THIS 3 HOOKER BRUNETTE WALKED UP TO ME AND WITH NO HESITATION, NO SHYNESS, AND SAID "YOU GRILL THE STEAKS...AND I'LL MAKE THE SALAD"

I LOOKED AROUND TO SEE WHO SHE WAS TALKING TO....


"UHHH....ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?"

I RATHER BE LUCKY THAN TO HAVE NO LUCK AT ALL.

Are you sure she didn't say she would "Toss your salad"??????

http://www.urbandictionary.com/defin...20Your%20Salad

I think we may need to have an orientation to the "new" english language for the folks that have not been in circulation for a while...


Hey, on an upnote, at least she didn't offer to make you a Boston Pancake!!!

[netman9]

HISTORY OF DA AMERICAN BRA STRAP...This has got to be one of the best evening reads in a while, BOX IS BACK!

After 18 years of marriage I feel the story is part of everyday life and wouldn't have it any other way. Thanks for the chuckle.

[BTH284]

Ah yes, the dreaded Bra Stap! Perhaps a youngmans first right of passage in accomplishing his first feat "succeeding by the touch of his fingers".

Let's see, how does it go, pull the index finger toward the pointer finger and push up with one finger and down with the other and out they pop!

[hubris 1]

WHEN I WAS 16...THERE WERE RULES TO FOLLOW...DATING RULES....RULES THAT WERE SET FORTH BY A TRIBE OF HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS WHO MOST OF WHICH ABODE BY THEIR PARENTS STRICT DATING RULES.....SILLY RULES THEY WERE BY TODAY'S LOOSE STANDARDS

BACK THEN, I RECEIVED A WEEKLY ALLOWANCE OF $5 ....THAT WAS MY ENTIRE CRUISIN' BUDGET FOR 7 DAYS MIND YOU......THAT COVERED GAS @ 28 CENT A GALLON TO AND FRO' THE MOVIE THEATRE...POP CORN, DRINK AND TICKETS @75CENT TO A BUCK PER.....AND FOR THIS EXPENDITURE, I EXPECTED A LOT OF BANG FOR MY 5 BUCKS

THIS BRINGS ME TO MY ALL-AMERICAN STORY..."THE RISE AND FALL AND RISE AGAIN OF THE AMERICAN BRA STRAP"

SO HERE I SIT IN A MOVIE THEATRE...HELL I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE NAME OF THE MOVIE BUT IT WAS A WESTERN....BUT I CAN REMEMBER LOU ELLEN QUITE WELL...DARK HAIR..SHOULDER LENGTH....PETITE...SOLID SHE WAS...TIGHT ABS I REMEMBER FOR AS WE WALKED TOGETHER ARM IN ARM, MY HAND WOULD WRAP AROUND AND TOUCH HER TIGHT ABS...SHE WORE GLASSES I CAN REMEMBER THAT TOO................ANYWAY....

LOU ELLEN NATURALLY WORE A BRASSIERRE LIKE EVERY OTHER WOMAN, BUT NOTHING LIKE ANYTHING ON TODAY'S BRA MARKET....TWAS THICK, BULKY AND POINTED....WITH METAL ADJUSTABLE SLIDES ON THE STRAPS....IT WAS A TWO HOOKER, NOT A THREE


WE WERE TWENTY MINUTES INTO THE SATURDAY NITE FLICK BEFORE THE SWEAT FINALLY EVAPORATED MY RIGHT PALM...SLOWLY, METHODICALLY, LIKE A WARTHOG SLIPPING INTO A CREEK FOR A DRINK....I GENTLY EASED MY ARM AROUND HER NECK WHILE RESTING MY ELBOW ON THE TOP OF THE SEAT.....I MADE ONE MORE QUICK WIPE OF MY WET PALM ON THE EMPTY SEAT NEXT TO HER .......AND THEN I WENT TO WORK

MY HAND NOW RESTED GENTLY ON HER RIGHT SHOULDER ATOP HER BLOUSE....JOHN WAYNE HIMSELF COULD HAVE SAT RIGHT BESIDE ME AT THAT POINT AND I WOULD NOT HAVE KNOWN IT...SHE MOVED ABOUT A 1/4 INCH CLOSER TO ME UPON MY TOUCH TO HER SHOULDER. YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDIN ME !!! SHE WANTS ME!!!

SHIT....I'M THE MAN. AND SHE DIDN'T MOVE MY HAND!...... I'M IN THANK YOU SWEET JESUS!....TEN MORE MINUTES PASSED....NOW IS THE TIME.....I MUST MAKE MY MOVE NOW OR NEVER....MY RT INDEX FINGER SLOWLY INCHED UNDER THE COLLAR AND I FELT BARE SKIN.....H O L E Y S H I T....SHE DID NOT FLINCH! NOW I HAVE HER COLLAR SHIFTED FOR A BETTER "ENTRY" ANGLE.....HER SKIN WAS AS SLICK AS AN UNBORN DEER HIDE SOAKED IN JERGENS....

AS I INCHED ON...I THOUGHT, HOW MUCH FARTHER WAS IT TO THE BRA STRAP? WHERE THE HELL IS IT??? WOW....OMG...IT IS LOOSELY DANGLING ON HER SHOULDER!!!.....IT WAS RIGHT THEN THAT I MADE MY BIG MOVE....MY TWO FINGERS THEN SLID UNDER THE BRA STRAP ...BINGO....CONTACT...APOLLO HAS LANDED.

NO REACTION CAME FROM HER....THIS WAS LIKE TOTAL VICTORY...THIS WAS TEN BILLFISH RELEASES IN AN HOUR...BUT HOLD ON MARTY......I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE RIGHT THEN AND THERE....I THOUGHT, IF LOU ELLEN DIDN'T REMOVE MY HAND IN THE NEXT 15 SECONDS WHILE MY FINGERS TOUCHED HER SKIN UNDER THE BRA STRAP, I WAS THEN DECLARING MYSELF IN LIKE FLINT! MY HAND WAS A MERE 10 INCHES AWAY FROM THE COVETED PRIZE PACKAGE!

11....10...........7 SECONDS....NO REACTION YET! WAS IT THE POPCORN? MAYBE THE EXTRA BUTTER? 5...4...3...2.....I MADE IT ALL THE WAY TO COUNTING DOWN TO 2 SECONDS AND SHE REMOVED MY HAND RATHER ABRUPTLY AND HELD IT TIGHT IN BOTH OF HER HANDS....AW GEEEZZZ...I HAD HER RIGHT ON THE FLATLINE AND BAMALAMA...SHE PEELED OFF AND THAT WAS THAT....A 13 SECOND MOMENT OF TOUCHING HER BRA STRAP....A QUICK BUT ENJOYABLE PIECE OF HEAVEN IT TWAS....ALL PART OF MY SINISTER PLOT HOPING TO COP A FEEL A LITTLE BIT LATER


HER BRA STRAP QUICKLY WENT BACK INTO IT'S PROPER PLACE WHILE NEVER TAKING HER EYES OFF THE SILVER SCREEN...SHE THEN PLACED MY HAND ATOP MY OWN KNEE AND PATTED IT LIKE SHE WAS SAYING "BAD BOY"....AND THEN SHE WENT BACK DIGGING INTO THE CORN....

DANG BRA STRAPS.....


YEARS PASSED...LOU ELLEN WAS PAST HISTORY.....AND A FIRE HAD STARTED IN AMERICA....A NATIONWIDE FIRE....A WORLDWIDE BLAZE TO BE EXACT....THE BITCHES ARE NOW BURNING THE BRA!!! BAN THE BRA THEY HAILED!!! GEEZUS H I STRUGGLE FOR YEARS TO GET INTO A BRA AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS BURN THE DANG THING???


BURN THE BRA!!!....THE FLOWER CHILDREN.....THE ERA OF THE JIGGLES...THE DAYS OF FREE LOVE....HELL YOU DIDN'T EVEN NEED TO BUY 'EM POPCORN IN THE 70'S....OFF COMES THE SHIRT WILLINGLY AND IT WAS GAME ON BACK THEN!!!


AND NOW .....NOW IT'S 2010.......AND EVERYWHERE I LOOK, WOMEN ACTUALLY WANT YOU TO SEE THEIR BRA STRAPS....NOTICE I SAID STRAPS IN THE PLURAL SENSE...MULTIPLE BRA STRAPS IT IS!!!....WHY I SEEN ONE CHICK JUST YESTERDAY IN THE GROCERY STORE AND I SWEAR I SEE 4 STRAPS LAYERED ON EACH ARM PLUS HALF THE MAIN BRA FABRIC WAS SHOWING NOT TO MENTION A BIG CHUNK OF FLESH....AND EACH STRAP WAS A DIFFERENT COLOR

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I STRUGGLE FOR YEARS JUST TO PULL A STRAP DOWN, THEN THEY GO BURN 'EM AND LET HIM DANGLE....AND NOW THEY WALK AROUND TOWN WITH CLEAVAGE BUSTING OUT, STRAPS EVERYWHERE, AND WITH THE AID OF THE PUSH-UP DESIGN ....YEP..... FOUR BRA STRAPS STARRING ME RIGHT IN THE FACE IN PLAIN VIEW RIGHT HERE IN THE PRODUCE DEPARTMENT....HELL I WAS ALREADY HOME AND PUTTING MY GROCERIES AWAY WHEN I REALIZED I HAD BOUGHT 4 SKIENS OF ASPARAGUS....AND I HATE FREAKING ASPARAGUS



WHATS' NEXT? WHAT TORTURE CLASS OF HELL WILL THEY COME UP WITH NEXT??? HUH....

IT'S GOT ME DOING SOME THINKING HERE....I WONDER WHAT LOU ELLEN IS UP TO THESE BRAS.....I MEAN DAYS?

This story from "YOU" is scary! I mean, I can watch Forrest Gump do it..........but you? I have one question.........How fat was she to let you do that? Ok, she was asian....... no, eskimo........ Box, you have to tell the whole story.