Why I miss Rodney Dangerfield

**worldcat lemon** · 07-05-2011 11:54 PM

Because he said ....

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

Its tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.

I knew a girl so ugly... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night.

**Deep C** · 07-06-2011 11:54 AM

My wife says "take out the garbage" I say "You cooked it... you take it out!"

I could get boo-ed by a peeping tom.

My wife put a mirror over our bed I said "whats that for" she said "she likes to watch her self laugh"

My wife cut me down to one time a month... I don't feel bad though... I know three guys she cut out all together...

Bartender asked me if I had any naked pictures of my wife... I said "No". He asked If I wanted to buy some. I asked "who told you you could fool around with her?" He said everyone..."