Why did the chicken cross the road?

[Surfergirl]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DR. PHIL : " The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize
that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before
it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to
do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT'
problems before adding 'NEW' problems ".







OPRAH: " Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is
why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken
learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going
to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not
live his life like the rest of the chickens."







GEORGE W. BUSH: "We don't really care why the chicken crossed the roa d. We
just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The
chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here."


COLIN POWELL: "Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road..." .




ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: "We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but
we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road."






JOHN KERRY: "Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now
against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the
chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it."







NANCY GRACE: "That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can
see it in his eyes and the way he walks."



PAT BUCHANAN: "To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American."



MARTHA STEWART: "No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was
going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when
the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information."



DR SEUSS: "Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told."







ERNEST HEMINGWAY: "To die in the rain. Alone."







JERRY FALWELL: "Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the
plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends,
that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too.
I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other
side'. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as
simple as that."







GRANDPA: "In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough."







BARBARA WALTERS: "Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story
of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish
its life long dream of crossing the road."


JOHN LENNO N: "Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
together, in peace."



ARISTOTLE: "It is the nature of chickens to cross the road."

BILL GATES: "I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new
platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ........ reboot."

ALBERT EINSTEIN: "Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road
move beneath the chicken ."

BILL CLINTON: "I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your
definition of chicken ."




AL GORE: &nb sp;"I invented the chicken!"


COLONEL SANDERS: "Did I miss one?"




DICK CHENEY: "Where's my gun?"



AL SHARPTON: "Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens."


Hillary Clinton: " I have vast experience with chickens and if elected, I
will ensure that EVERY chicken has the ability to cross any road they
desire."

[Surfergirl]

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut -glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. 'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would
tell me about this?' pointing to the bowl.

'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.'

[Surfergirl]

Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

[Surfergirl]

Definitions Not in Dictionary

ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE:

The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.

and MY Personal Favorite!!

WRINKLES:
Something other people have.
I have character lines

[Deep C]

Haaaaayyyyy.... What's got you in such a good mood?

[Drunk Angler]

hahaha that bill gates line was funny as hell !

[joeksr]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

[FONT=Verdana]

CHICKEN. What, ya all a bunch of democrats ?
DAmn, I just wanted to get to the other side.

[Surfergirl]

Haaaaayyyyy.... What's got you in such a good mood?

I'm on this side of the dirt.

[Surfergirl]

CHICKEN. What, ya all a bunch of democrats ?
DAmn, I just wanted to get to the other side.

good one

[clt_capt]

Say to the duck by the side of the road?

"Don't do it - you'll never hear the end of it"