When girls don't put out!!

[Cardinal Joe]

When girls don't put out!!
This was written by a guy...it is GREAT!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep..

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either... but at least the ***** knows I'm smarter than her.

All right Ladies & lowtide - Forward this if you agree. Hell, even if you disagree, forward it anyway.

Men & Hubris - forward this if you have BALLS !!!!

[hubris 1]

Never had that problem.

[bigfish4me]

He he...being divorced for a year and thoroughly enjoying the dating scene.....if she don't put out she can get out....there is another one waiting to take her place.....my biggest problem is there are only so many days in a week...I rate them by how good they are in the sack.....behaved yesterday and so far today....my kid goes home at 4 and #2 comes over at 5.....a long lunch date with #1 tomorrow and number three tomorrow night.....If you would have told me my marriage ending a year and a half ago was the best thing that could have ever happened to me...I would have called you a liar......life is good and variety is indeed the spice of life

[Zummie]

He he...being divorced for a year and thoroughly enjoying the dating scene.....if she don't put out she can get out....there is another one waiting to take her place.....my biggest problem is there are only so many days in a week...I rate them by how good they are in the sack.....behaved yesterday and so far today....my kid goes home at 4 and #2 comes over at 5.....a long lunch date with #1 tomorrow and number three tomorrow night.....If you would have told me my marriage ending a year and a half ago was the best thing that could have ever happened to me...I would have called you a liar......life is good and variety is indeed the spice of life

That's fine for you but what about the rest of us who are attracted to the opposite sex.

[bigfish4me]

That's fine for you but what about the rest of us who are attracted to the opposite sex.

Nice....spoken like a true pickle smoocher.......come on admit it ....your the catcher, its alright we already know it......the truth shall set you free.....if you play your cards right Lowtide just might give you what you want.

[Cardinal Joe]

Man I haven't laughed so hard in a very long time ! Thanks Guys ......

[Cardinal Joe]

Subject: Italian Virginity Test Kit

Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell
if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.

His doctor says, "Mario, all the Italian men I know use three things
for what we call a Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit. A small can of
red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."

Mario asks, "And what do I do with these things, doc?"

The doctor replies, "Before you climb into bed on your wedding night,
you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue. If she says,
"That's the strangest pair of balls I've ever seen, you hit her with
the shovel.'
Cardinal Joe

[Zummie]

He he...being divorced for a year and thoroughly enjoying the dating scene.....if she don't put out she can get out....there is another one waiting to take her place.....my biggest problem is there are only so many days in a week...I rate them by how good they are in the sack.....behaved yesterday and so far today....my kid goes home at 4 and #2 comes over at 5.....a long lunch date with #1 tomorrow and number three tomorrow night.....If you would have told me my marriage ending a year and a half ago was the best thing that could have ever happened to me...I would have called you a liar......life is good and variety is indeed the spice of life

saw this story about you....next time try to be more discerning

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/...-police-report

[bigfish4me]

saw this story about you....next time try to be more discerning

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/...-police-report

That was pretty good zum nuts......I have not had to go hogging in quite a while though lol....you seem like an angry fella.....just a suggestion.....next time your boyfriend has sex with you....get him to put some pesticide on his condom to kill that bug you have up your a$$

[Big Fish Billy]

Here's a pretty good one, you guys can use at the bar the next time some loudmouth pisses you off...simply turn around and say "why don't you take another sip out of that shut the **** up juice you're drinking."