Something to make you laugh

[Surfergirl]

Famous Sports quotes



And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius.. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss goodbye."

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements: "I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."

Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my @#%#%@ clothes."

Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece: "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."

Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships: "I've won at every level, except college and pro."

Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."

Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 record: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play." (1992)

Tommy Lasorda, Dodger manager, when asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations: "He wants Texas back." (1981)

Darrell Royal, Texas football coach, asked if the abnormal number of Longhorn injuries that season resulted from poor physical conditioning: "One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?" (1966)

Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet." (1991)

Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs: "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy officiating." (1986)

Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons: "It's basically the same, just darker." (1991)

Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote: "I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot." (1996)

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'" (1991)

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject." (1987)

[Surfergirl]

If you guys have any funnies please feel free to post them up here.
it is always good to make friends smile.


Surf

[Surfergirl]

10 It's Legal To Play Hockey Proffesionally

9 The Puck Is Always Hard

8 The Protective Equipment Is Reusable, And You Don't Even Have To Wash It

7 It Lasts A Full Hour

6 You Know You're Finished When The Buzzer Sounds

5 Periods Last Only 20 Minutes

4 A 2-On-1 And A 3-On-1 Is Not Uncommon

3 You Can Count On It At Least Twice A Week

2 Your Parents Cheer When You Score

1 You Can Tell Your Friends About it.

[blackwell50]

Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them has a heart attack.His buddy calls 911 on his cell,my friend is dead! he screams.What can I do?Calm down the operator says,I can help.First let's make sure he's dead.There is a silence,then a shot is heard,back on the phone the guy says to the operator,OK now what?

[Surfergirl]

An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny.

The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the man's car bumper.

Then he yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Benny didn't move.

Then he yelled, "Come on, pull Ranger." Still, Benny didn't move.

Then he yelled really loud, "Now pull, Fred, pull hard." Benny just stood.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Okay, Benny, pull."

Benny pulled the car out of the ditch.

The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling he wouldn't even try."

[blackwell50]

what did the paraplegic blind boy get for christmas?

[blackwell50]

cancer...........

[Swami]

Mom's cleaning little Johnny's room one day and comes across a kinky S&M skin mag. She shows it to her husband when he comes home from work that afternoon.

"What do you think we should do about this?" she asks.

The dad replies, "Well, I wouldn't spank him."

[blackwell50]

Mom's cleaning little Johnny's room one day and comes across a kinky S&M skin mag. She shows it to her husband when he comes home from work that afternoon.

"What do you think we should do about this?" she asks.

The dad replies, "Well, I wouldn't spank him."

Where did you here that one?

[whitey]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".