Rodney Pt 2

[reel action]

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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the local restaurant I sat down and had broken leg of lamb.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the library the sign says "shut the f..k up"!
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I bought a waterbed and found a guy at the bottom of it.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars.
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I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, "I don't know, no one has ever made it".
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guys pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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I got a book for my birthday "How to make it big" I had to take it back.
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Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.
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I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.
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I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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I bought a perfect second car ... a tow truck.
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My wife's not to smart. I told her our kids were spoiled. she said, "all kids smell that way".
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Once somebody stole our car. I asked my wife if she saw who it was. she said "No, but I did get the license number".
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I remember one guy gave her a good piece of his mind. yeah, it was right after she took a good piece of his leg.
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My wife had her drivers test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.
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My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There are a pair of shoes on the dashboard. they belong to the last guy she hit
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My cousins gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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My cousins gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.

[randall r]

thanks...thats a pretty complete list....rodney's my all time favorite and as far as i'm concerned......best ever