OT- Ponderisms

[Miles Offshore]

Subject: Ponderisms- old but still funny-
>
>I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people
>die of natural causes.
>
>Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a

>weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the
>ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
>
>The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
>replacement.
>
>Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
>
>There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
>
>Life is sexually transmitted.
>
>Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
>
>The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
>
>Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
>of nothing.
>
>Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks

>about seeing UFOs like they used to?
>
>Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
>
>All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to

>criticism.
>
>In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is

>weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
>
>How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
>whole box to start a campfire?
>
>Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
>squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
>
>Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat

>the next thing that comes outta its butt."
>
>If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
>
>Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are
>going to look up there anyway?
>
>If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
>
>Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
>
>Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
>
>Do you think Im bored?

[Capt. Duane]

I really think you have too much time on your hands....great thread though!!!! I'm still laughing, esp. with the alphabet soup!!! Thanks man!!