ONLY A GUY WOULD DO THIS!!!!!

[sea scape]

This is an email sent to me...




>Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
>This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely
>wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary.
>
>Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn
>Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our
>22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little
>something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across
>was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The
>effects of the taser were suppose to be short lived,
>with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant,
>allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....
>WAY TOO COOL!
>
>Long story short, I bought the device and brought it
>home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn
>thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was
>disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed
>the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at
>the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity
>darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!
> Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what
>that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
>
>Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking
>to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only
>two triple-a batteries,... right?
>
>There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on
>intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading
>the directions and thinking that I really needed to
>try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
>I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a
>fraction of a second) and thought better o f it. She
>is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this
>thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger,
>I did want some assurance that it would work as
>advertised. Am I wrong?
>
>So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top
>with my reading glasses perched delicately on the
>bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in
>another. The directions said that a one-second burst
>would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second
>burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major
>loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
>purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground
>like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three
>seconds would be wasting the batteries.
>
>All the while I'm looking at this little device
>measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in
>circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two
>itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself,
>"no possible way!"
>What happened next is almost beyond description, but
>I'll do my best.....
>
>I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her
>head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it
>master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a
>tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad....
>I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for
>the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked
>thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF
>MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!
>
>I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side
>door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed
>us both on the carpet, over and over and over again.
>I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
>position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet,
>both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found,
>with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
>position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was
>standing over me making meowing sounds I had never
>heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to
>herself, "do it again, do it again!"
>
>Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself
>with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such
>thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself.
>You will not let go of that thing until it is
>dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about
>on the floor. A three second burst would be
>considered conservative.
>SON-OF-A-.... that hurt like hell!!!
>
>A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a
>relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what
>little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
> My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the
>fireplace. How did they up get there??? My triceps,
>right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My
>face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and
>my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for
>my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward for
>their safe return.
>Still in shock,
>Tommy

[Fish Tale Charters]

I guess that guy won't be playing with that toy any more.

[JD5652]

OH MAN!!......as I was reading this post I said to myself..."He DIDN"T!!...."...as I kept reading I could not longer keep my composure and laughed SO HARD that I now have to wipe the tears off the monitor AND keyboard......

[shot2hell]

Funny as hell!

[gofshn]

good job, wanna try it again? believe it or not you have just built up an immunity to it. try it again and you'll see what i am talking about. it won't even tingle the second time!