Might be a repost but LMAO..!

[FISHSLIK5]

________________________________________

Subject: Fwd: Fw: this is so funny..go pee first FOR REAL!!!!


> Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!
>
>
> Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who
> purchased his
> lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted
> this:
>
>
> Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol &
> Pawn Shop that sparked my
> interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was
> looking for a
> little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came
> across was a
> 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of t
> he tazer were
> supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse
> affect on your
> assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to
> safety....??
>
>
> WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and
> brought it home. I
> loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the
> button. Nothing!
> I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed
> the button and
> pressed it against a metal surface at the same time;
> I'd get the blue arc
> of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
>
>
> AWESOME!!!
>
>
> Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that
> burn spot is on the
> face of her microwave.
>
>
> Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to
> myself that it
> couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A
> batteries, right? There I
> sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
> (trusting little
> soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that
> I really needed
> to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
> I must admit I
> thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)
> and thought
> better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going
> to give this
> thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did
> want some
> assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
>
>
> So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my
> reading glasses
> perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in
> one hand, and
> tazer in another.. The directions said that a one-second
> burst would shock
> and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
> supposed to cause
> muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
> three-second burst
> would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground
> like a fish out of
> water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting
> the batteries.
>
>
> All the while I'm looking at this little device
> measuring about 5" long,
> less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and
> (loaded with
> two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself,
> 'no possible way!'
> What happened next is almost beyond description, but
> I'll do my best.. .?
>
>
> I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her
> head cocked to one side
> as to say, 'don't do it dummy,' reasoning that
> a one second burst from
> such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that
> bad. I decided to give
> myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched
> the prongs to my
> naked thigh, pushed the button, and . .
>
>
> . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION .. . . WHAT THE
> H &*% !!!
>
>
> I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side
> door, picked me up
> in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet,
> over and over and
> over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the
> fetal position,
> with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on
> fire, testicles
> nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body
> in the oddest
> position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making
> meowing sounds I had
> never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging
> above the
> fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed
> by my body
> flopping all over the living room.
>
>
> Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself
> with a tazer, one note
> of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst
> when you zap
> yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is
> dislodged from your
> hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three
> second burst would
> be considered conservative?
>
>
> IT HURT LIKE H &*% !!!
>
>
> A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a
> relative thing at that
> point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat
> up and surveyed
> the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel
> of the fireplace.
> The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from
> where it
> originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples
> were still
> twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with
> Novocain, and my
> bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the
> drooling.
>
>
> Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for
> sure and my
> sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my
> head which I
> believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for
> my testicles and I'm offering a
> significant reward for their safe return!
>
>
> P.s... My wife, can't stop laughing about my
> experience, loved the gift,
> and now regularly threatens me
> with it!
>
>
> If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!
>
>
>

[lowtide]

now thats funny !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dhauhn]

loved it it is one of the best things i have heard in a long time .

it is right up there with and this is true
a friend of mine but on his dogs collar one of the ones that
will shock when the dog barks he wanted to see if it worked
he put it on i slaped my hands
as he was getting up off the ground all he could say was stop stop please i allmost died laffing

[Surfergirl]

OMG!!! That's hilarious!!!

Guys are too curious for their own good sometimes.

[clt_capt]

Simply Shocking

[joeksr]

loved it it is one of the best things i have heard in a long time .

it is right up there with and this is true
a friend of mine but on his dogs collar one of the ones that
will shock when the dog barks he wanted to see if it worked
he put it on i slaped my hands
as he was getting up off the ground all he could say was stop stop please i allmost died laffing

I hate to admit this but I've done that.
Bought a shock collar for my dog and before I zapped him I wanted to see what it was that I was going to do to the dog.
Ya can't let go, Unpleasant to say the least.
Never did use it on the dog.