jokes

[frankypettolina]

1. A farmer is helping a cow give birth to a calf when he spies his 6 year old son on the other side of the barn. Dreading the fact that he may have to explain the birds and the bees a little early to the boy, he asks him do you have any questions? The boy replies, yeah, how fast was that calf going when it ran into that cow?

2. The farmer has his nephew from the city out to the farm for a long weekend. After his first day, the city boy is bored with all of the country quiet. So the farmer thinks a minute and says to his nephew," why don't you take my gun and my dogs and go out in the woods and do some hunting." The nephew goes eagerly. 2 hours later he returns and the uncle asks him how he liked it. The nephew replies," It was great!!! Got anymore dogs?"

3. A husband and wife are sitting at the dinner table when the wife asks the husband," If I die would you remarry?"

Husband, "yes"

Wife, "Would you let her move in my house?"

Husband, "Yes"

Wife, " Would you let her sleep in my bed?"

Husband, "Yes"

This outrages the wife, so she says, "FIne, would you let her use my golf clubs?"

The husband says, "of course not."

The wife says," after everything else, why the hell would you not let her use my clubs, that is absurd."

Husband, "She's left handed"

4. A 47 year old woman gets a facelift. She is so excited she stops at the news stand on the way home and asks the clerk how old she looks. The clerk says 35. She laughs and says ha!, I am 47. Still excited she stops at Burger King, and asks the same question, to which the counterman says 29. She is even more excited and shouts, "Ha! I am 47!" Later while waiting for the bus an elderly man walks up. She asks him the same question about her age. The old man replies, " I am 78 years old and do not see too well. But in my day I could tell how old a woman was by feeling under her blouse." The woman figured what the hell and let him do it. The Old man says, "47." The woman is astounded, and asks, "You could tell that just by feeling my breasts?" The old man responds, "Nope, I was behind you at Burger King."

[Capt.Joe Monticolo]

Getting more and more like the Rock.

[Bog Monster]

I disagree, it's the first time I heard them!

[FESS]

A young boy in the country wakes up one morning very hungry and when he get to the kitchen, finds his mom there and asks her for one of those great country breakfasts. She asks if he's finished with his chores yet, to which he answers No.
She tells him he's gotta do those first and then she'll cook him the best ever.

With that he goes out to feed the chicken and kicks one, then goes to feed the pigs and kicks one of them and then before milking the cows he kicks a few of them too.

His mom upon seeing some of these actions, just gets a dry bowl of cereal for the young boy. When he asks why no eggs and bacon, she says cause you kicked the chickens and the pigs and so you ain't getting any. He then notices his cereal is dry....why no milk mom.....cause you kicked the cows too son.

With that, the father of the house comes down the stairs and before he gets to last step their cat jumps out if front of him and he proceedes to kick it accross the room.

The young boy stands up and says..."do you want me to tell him mom?"

[Bluewater Sportfishing]

A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.

When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there".

So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.

So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.

"How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde.

So the man cooly says "Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you're going to have to pay for those holes."



Here is another one



I Want to Buy That.


A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

[tolmaz]

OH, FRANKY!!!

[batton3]

nice....