Little Johnny was going to his faters house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon.
He was walking to his fathers house with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill.
He started up the hill but was constantly swearing "This &*%$#@& thing is so heavy"
A priest heard him and came out. "You shouldn't be swearing" said the priest. "God hears you...He is everywhere...He's in the chruch...He's on the sidewalk...He's everywhere"
Then Little Johnny says "Oh is he in my Wagon"
The prist replies "Yes Johnny God is in your Wagon"
Little Johnny says "Well tell him to get the hell out and start pulling"
One day a lady from the church had come over and had given a gift for all the wonderful sermons that her husband has given.
Mrs. Johnson had said, "Thank you very much but what is it?"
The lady said, "It is a Damn ham."
Mrs. Johnson looked shocked and said, "Don't speak that way to me, don't you know that I am the preachers wife!"
The lady said, "Yes, yes I know, but that is the brand name of the ham!"
Mrs. Johnson said, "ooh I see well thank you" and the lady left.
Later that night when Mrs. Johnson was cooking dinner the preacher came into the kitchen and said, "Mmmm! That smells really good! What is it?"
Mrs. Johnson said," Well thats your dinner tonight, some Damn Ham"
The preacher was shocked and said, "Don't speak to me that way! Don't you know who I am?"
Mrs. Johnson said, "Yes, yes! I know who you are! It is just the brand name!"
The preacher said, "Oh! I see! Well it smells great!"
That night when dinner was ready she had set it out on the table. The corn, mashed potatoes, rolls, and ham!
When the family sat down they said their prayers and began to eat. The preacher said to his wife, "Could you please pass me some of that Damn ham?"
The wife said "sure".
Then little Johnny said, "Alright dad! While you're at it can you pass me the
####ing mashed potatoes!"
In school one day the teacher asked the class, “would anyone like to describe the school trip to the zoo yesterday“. If you would like to join, raise your hand and use the word fascinate in a sentence with your description. Little Marty was in the back Owe Ou whoooo u pick me waving his hands. The teacher over looked little Marty hoping for another child so as not to embarrass the class. Little surfer girl raised her hand and was given a head nod from the teacher. Little surf said “the bald eagle display was fascinating.” The teacher explained the word was used improperly as fascinating not fascinate. Other children followed and were also wrong. Not to let this class project fail the teacher figured little Marty was a safe bet at this time. So calling on little Marty he stood and said, “my friends sister boobies are so big she can only fasten eight buttons on her sweater." Poor little Marty spent the rest of the day at the office
New Rules To Live By
Don’t invade Russia in the winter, and don’t conduct a short raid on Goldman Sachs when the former CEO is the Treasury Secretary.