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WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with
her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the
Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of
Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of
Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of
the milk carton..
----------------------------------
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I
asked, after folding items the
woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I
noticed a remote control
for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV
remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but
my husband refused to come
shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil
thing I could do to
him legally.'
---------------------------------------------------------------
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar
dealing with
communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to
the instructor,
'It is essential that husband’s
and wives know each other's
likes and dislikes.'
He addressed the man,
'Can you name your wife's
favorite flower?'
Tom leaned over, touched his
wife's arm gently and
whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
----------------------------------------------------------------
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and
wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks
him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a
box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct
aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a
huge bag of cotton balls and a
ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I
thought you were looking for
some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's
like this, yesterday, I sent my
wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a
tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause
it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much
cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my
own ........... so does
she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the
milk carton!)
----------------------------------------------------------------
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road
for several miles, not
saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an
argument and neither of them wanted to concede
their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules,
goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
----------------------------------------------------------------
WORDS
A husband read an article to his
wife about how many words
women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason
has to be because we have to
repea t everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife
and asked, 'What?'
----------------------------------------------------------------
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day,
'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at
the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow
me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would
be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be
attracted to you!
----------------------------------------------------------------
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an
argument about who should brew the
coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it
because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait
as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in
charge of cooking around
here and you should do it,
because that is your job, and I can just
wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do
it, and besides, it is in
the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't
believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened
the New Testament and
showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed
says 'HEBREWS'
----------------------------------------------------------------
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some
problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the
next day, he would
need his wife to wake him
at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning
business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break
the silence (and
LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.'
He left it where he knew she
would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up,
only to discover it was
9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about
to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM.
Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds
of contests.
---------------------------------------------------------------
God may have created man before
woman, but there is always
a rough draft before the masterpiece
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Originally Posted by Avenger
