Its been a while....

[Deep C]

It sounds bad... Trading "jersey" for "Jabba"

[La Gringa]

These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that we will know what they really mean when they say...

"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated:* "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated:* "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated:* "I have no idea how it works."

"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated:* "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated:* "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated:* "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car
I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated:* "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Translated:* "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated:* "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated:* "What did you catch me at?"

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated:* "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Translated:* "I make the messes; she cleans them up."

[whowantstoknow]

The ability to laugh at oneself is a gift!!!! and if it stops everyone on this site from fighting for a little while - its well worth it so bring it on!!!!!!

A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I'd like some Polish sausage."

The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"

The guy, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something." If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?"

The clerk says, "Well, no."

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?"

The clerk replies, "Because this is Home Depot."

You know - I am offended by that

An English guy is driving with a Polish guy as his passenger,
when he decides to pull over because he suspect that his turn signal
may not be working. He asks the Polish guy if he doesn't mind stepping
out of the car to check the lights while he tests them. The Polish guy
steps out and stands in front of the car.
The English guy turns on the turn signal and asks, "Is it
working?"
To which the Polish guy responds, "Yes, it's working....No,
it's not working....Yes, it's working....No, it's not working...."

That is something i would totally do

Q: How do you scare a man?
A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.


Actually... i know a better way.... but i think i'll save that for later... maybe.... heh, heh, heh....

I claim role reversal in that one........i think i would just about have a heart attack!!!!!

whats the other way????????

These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that we will know what they really mean when they say...

"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated:* "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated:* "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated:* "I have no idea how it works."

"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated:* "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated:* "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated:* "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car
I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated:* "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Translated:* "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated:* "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated:* "What did you catch me at?"

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated:* "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Translated:* "I make the messes; she cleans them up."

You missed - ARE YOU READY YET.....meaning the boats about to break the inlet and if you arent out of this room in 5 seconds your going to go flying.....

and -

I TOLD YOU ABOUT IT, I CANT BELIEVE YOU DONT REMEBER...
meaning - crap!!! i wonder if reverse Psychology actually work...well no time like the present to find out

and -

WHERE ARE YOU GOING (when entering the salon on a boat), OH I THOUGHT YOU WHERE MAKING A SANDWHICH......meaning - can you make me a sandwhich

[Fritz]

These two Polish guys rent a boat and go fishing in a lake. They are amazed at the number of fish that they caught that day, so one says to the other, "We'll have to come back here tomorrow!"

The other asks, "But how will we remember where this spot is?"

The first guy then takes a can of spray paint, paints an X on the bottom of the boat, and says, "We'll just look for this X tomorrow."

The other guy says, "You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat?"

[Squidnation]

I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS.........

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at
him.
She says hello.
He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, 'Do you know me?
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that
I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your
partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'

........... She looks into his eyes and says calmly,

'No, I'm your son's teacher '

[Fritz]

Sorry, I grew up in a Polish & Irish neighborhood.

[Fritz]

Really, I can't help it.

[whowantstoknow]

I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS.........

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at
him.
She says hello.
He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, 'Do you know me?
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that
I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your
partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'

........... She looks into his eyes and says calmly,

'No, I'm your son's teacher '

So what should the teacher do next - choose to ignore the statement - which was hilarious - yet rather apawling.....Celery????? or divuldge the seceret to his wife???

I know what i would do........

Sorry, I grew up in a Polish & Irish neighborhood.

I grew up with a mother who is 100% polish...........and her parents were straight off the boat........Need i say more???

[La Gringa]

A MAN WITH A PLAN

Roger lived by himself on a remote stretch of beach. One day as he was riding his horse along the shore he saw a beautiful woman painting a canvas. He rode up and down in front of her, but she didn't react to him.

"I'll paint my horse yellow," he decided, "and then she'll notice me. She'll say,'Oh, I see you have a yellow horse.' I'll start talking to her and then I'll invite her back to my cabin for lunch and we'll have a bottle of wine, and then I'll open another bottle and we'll talk some more, and then it'll start to get cold so I'll light a fire, and we'll be sitting close in front of it. Soon we'll gently touch, then kiss, then make beautiful love all night. Yeah, that's what I'll do."

The next day he painted his horse yellow and went in search of the woman. As he approached she looked up and said, "I see you have a yellow horse."

"Yeah," Roger said. "Wanna get laid?"

[Fritz]

[QUOTE=I grew up with a mother who is 100% polish...........and her parents were straight off the boat........Need i say more???[/QUOTE]

So, your family is from Port Richmond?