Im 54, After a colonoscopy...what could be worse,

[hubris 1]

I went to the doctor today. I know something is wrong, I dont have energy and I **** blood, but I aint gonna tell anyone that. **** em, that.....you need to find out on your own. My blood pressure is high, but Im happy. I drive over today, Lankenau.........pay to park......and head on in.

In comes my doctor.......I did check out the Nurses station after weighing in at 264. They like that. I flex like George Forman. It gets a laugh every time. I wish I weighed 264 in 1974. If dad would have told me its OK, I would have beat the **** out of every lineman in Upper Darby. anyway,

He tells me what I already know, but I have a secret......I aint telling. I tell him I hate milk, never did drugs, Like a cocktail, dont smoke.......and then he says it, We need to check your prostate. WHAT? Take off your pants and underwear, Ill be back. I feel myself giving up. I do as Im told.



I will never look at a champagne cork the same way again. You know how they flare out after coming out of the bottle? He put 2 of them up my ass for like 3 seconds.......I heard myself Yelp! I sounded like DAD. Where the **** did that come from? He had the DNA he needed.......I still hadnt recovered but, he had. You have blood in your poop. Yea, no kidding......How long? .......A year, maybe more. I never look back especially if I see something I dont like. This test pad turned blue, really blue.......you have a problem he said. I was still recovering from the corks he put up my ass. OK, You got me I said...... No wonder you feel weak, You cant give blood every day, its also probable that you have an ulcer.........its a lot of blood isnt it? Yea. Ok, back to Doctor Thorton............Up the butt, down the throat,[not the same tool] I think its an ulcer, I feel better already just knowing. No wonder I burp and belch so much, politely of course, but.........Im glad he found out.

Next time you look at the champagne cork, say Happy New year, raise your Knees to your chest...........and Yelp! I did.

[Squidnation]

wow - SHould of went for the real colonoscopy. They nock you out, stick a camera up your ass and tell you to fart as much as you want when you come to. Hell I was eatin famous dave's barbecue 30 minutes later. and all was clean

[hubris 1]

Im going back. I did not have a good day today. I hope I have a good dream tonight. I hate getting older.

[clt_capt]

The doc didn't have a hand on each shoulder while he was inserted, did he?

[hubris 1]

Now that I think about it........I think the Nurse held me down. It was way too embarrassing. I had the longest day of my life. I know alot of you guys are my age too. All kidding aside, Im glad its over, I want to find out whats wrong, My pooper will never be the same.
If your 55 years old, go to the doctor. I have had this issue for a while, Im glad he caught me.
This definately belongs in "Mix it Up" dont you think?

[BarryTurano]

Do you take a lot of Ibuprofen?
That will cause blood in the stool, sort of a painless ulcer. Go for the scope and put your mind at ease. The worst part is the prep the day before. If there are any polyps they are removed at that time. Better to be safe than sorry.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=_N0w2rORwSc

[JUST RELEASED 34]

no seabass for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Parsifal]

Hubirs,

take care of yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUi0rRbJmUM

[lowtide]

55 ?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! holy crap - Im surprised you dont fart dust !!!

Well, since you're sharing - I ll share too - I went to the ass dr about 7 yrs ago , I saw some blood in my poo and got freaked out. The dr was about 5'6 weighed about 290 had fingers that looked like jimmy dean sausage links - I knew I was in for a treat !!! He asked a bunch of questions - Yes Dr, no Dr - Yes Dr I shoot steroids, yes Dr I consume massive amounts of protein, Yes dr I go to the gym and squat a **** load of weight.....

Well Dr Jimmy Dean rammed his finger up my rectum { which was when I lost my virginity}Did a test { occult blood } and everything was OK. He said - you assholle { no pun intended} quit the steroids and the heavy lifting - so I did. All better.


Then I go back to a different DR a few yrs later for a check - he says - lets take a gander of your prostate !!! WTF !!!!!!!!!!! I asked - what size ring do you where - he says 8 I say - OK - bring it on !!!!! well guess what - no finger - He used a frigin speculum !!!!!!!!! it felt as if someone rammed an umbrella up my ass and opened it !!!!!!!!!!! joy, joy !!!!!!!! again - A OK......... So I know how you feel - you feel violated but yet horny and will look at men differently now. So when do we do dinner ??????/

[Big Fish Billy]

55 ?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! holy crap - Im surprised you dont fart dust !!!

Well, since you're sharing - I ll share too - I went to the ass dr about 7 yrs ago , I saw some blood in my poo and got freaked out. The dr was about 5'6 weighed about 290 had fingers that looked like jimmy dean sausage links - I knew I was in for a treat !!! He asked a bunch of questions - Yes Dr, no Dr - Yes Dr I shoot steroids, yes Dr I consume massive amounts of protein, Yes dr I go to the gym and squat a **** load of weight.....

Well Dr Jimmy Dean rammed his finger up my rectum { which was when I lost my virginity}Did a test { occult blood } and everything was OK. He said - you assholle { no pun intended} quit the steroids and the heavy lifting - so I did. All better.


Then I go back to a different DR a few yrs later for a check - he says - lets take a gander of your prostate !!! WTF !!!!!!!!!!! I asked - what size ring do you where - he says 8 I say - OK - bring it on !!!!! well guess what - no finger - He used a frigin speculum !!!!!!!!! it felt as if someone rammed an umbrella up my ass and opened it !!!!!!!!!!! joy, joy !!!!!!!! again - A OK......... So I know how you feel - you feel violated but yet horny and will look at men differently now. So when do we do dinner ??????/

Yes I have a nice small, female Indian doctor, very small fingers...hardly know they're there....