I dont know what to do!

[KEY-LIME-PIE]

My oldest daughter HATES my girlfriend, whom I am totally in love with. My daughter feels so strongly against her that she has given me an altimatem! Leave her or my daughter is out of my life for ever! My daughter is 17yo and thinks she knows everyting about the entire world, she has the attitude to go with it as well. She wont talk to me or even look at me. I dont know what to do! My girlfriend and I have even talked about marriage. Any advice for a dad with a broken heart???

Capt Tom

[longfisher]

My oldest daughter HATES my girlfriend, whom I am totally in love with. My daughter feels so strongly against her that she has given me an altimatem! Leave her or my daughter is out of my life for ever! My daughter is 17yo and thinks she knows everyting about the entire world, she has the attitude to go with it as well. She wont talk to me or even look at me. I dont know what to do! My girlfriend and I have even talked about marriage. Any advice for a dad with a broken heart???

Capt Tom

We all have occassional problems with our kids thinking they know better than we do. So, from the outset of their teen years I used the phrase in the subject line regularly and perhaps even ad nauseum.

It's one of the simple truths that children need to hear and untimately believe. Their level of experience in the real world is so limited that they can't be expected to draw good conclusions about life or act accordingly.

So, I never allowed the liberal notion of children having self-determinism to exist in my home. They were'nt slaves or serfs, although they were required to contribute by doing chores. But they sure weren't allowed to lead either.

Why? Because kids don't know a....

Sorry you didn't impress your kids with that idea earlier. It would likely have saved you this hearache.

But what should you do. Tell you kid it's none of her damned business who you date and that if she persists in making demands and enforcing penalties for your noncompliance you'll be happy to live with those penalties, as long as she will too.

Then legally emancipate her (most states have a way to emancipate a 17 year old if they have a job) and take her down to the local charity home for wayward kids.

Just kidding.

But don't bend a single degree. You're entitled to happiness too.

LongFisher

[WAHOONBOX]

THIS IS THE FIRST THREAD I HAVE EVEN CONSIDERED RESPONDING TO IN MIX IT UP FOR A LONG TIME ....BUT YOU BEING A FRIEND...I MUST BREAK MY BOYCOTT HERE.

O BOY 'LIME..... TUFF TUFF SITUATION YOU HAVE HERE. BUT YOU WILL OVERCOME THIS ONE...


SEVENTEEN...ANOTHER TUFF CHEMICAL AGE TO BE TRAPPED IN.....HELL'S CROSSROADS FROM LIL GIRL TO WOMAN....IN HER EYES, FROM DAUGHTER TO WANNA-B-STRANGER

NOT HAVING CHILDREN, I AM LESS QUALIFIED THAN MOST TO MAKE STATEMENT HERE...AND I AM SURE THAT THERE ARE GUYS WHO HAVE GONE THROUGH THIS SAME EXACT FAMILY TRAUMA AND I HOPE THEY WILL OPEN UP AND SHARE.

RIGHT NOW, MY GUT FEELING SAYS TO STEP AWAY FROM THIS FOR A WHILE...BREATHE A BIT...MAYBE SLOW DOWN WITH THE MARRIAGE TALK....IF YOUR NEW LOVE TRULY LOVES YOU THEN SHE WILL UNDERSTAND AND WORK WITH YOU ON THIS....HELL, LIVE IN SIN FOR A WHILE....SHACK UP IF NECESSARY...KEEPING A LOW KEY-LIME PROFILE ....DUDE, SHE WON'T BE 17 FOREVER....GIVE HER A YEAR OR SO TO GROW INTO 19....THEN COMES 20 AND SO ON...IT'S A GIRL PHASE THING YOU KNOW .....DID SHE GIVE YOUR EX THE SAME ULTIMATUM?

AND SPEAKING OF THE EX.....AND THAT COULD BE THE ROOT OF THE WHOLE PROBLEM RIGHT HERE.....THE EX...THE EX PLANTING BLACK THOUGHTS OF THE DEMONDADDY INTO YOUR DAUGHTERS MIND...

A CHILD.....AND YES AT 17 SHE STILL IS MERELY A GROWN CHILD...YOUTHFUL MIND STILL GROWING...TEENAGE PAINS, TUMULTUOUS & CONFUSED....DEMANDING....

IN SUMMARY: TELL HER IF SHE WILL GIVE UP HER CELL PHONE AND GIVE UP TEXTING THAT YOU WILL ALSO GIVE UP YOUR CURRENT NEW LOVE. FAT CHANCE OF THAT HAPPENING ......IS THIS A RIDICULOUS BOX REMEDY? OF COURSE IT IS....IT'S ABOUT ABOUT AS RIDICULOUS AS HER DEMANDING HER DADDY GIVE UP HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND.

I HOPE YOU FIND A SOLUTION TO THIS BRO...AND HOPE YOU KEEP US UPDATED AS TO THE PROGESS

EL BOXO

[KissyClips]

My advice is to sit down and talk to her. Find out why she does not like your current girlfriend. Is there anything that can fix that.

Explain to your daughter that you are willing to compromise, What is your daughter willing to give up (Her boyfriend, All electronics, car, etc). Put her in the same position as she is putting you and hope that she will realize that she is not being fair.

I do not think that a child or anyone has the right to tell you how to live your life ... but ... you need to get to the root of the problem, find out why she feels this way and hear what she has to say. Your daughter needs to feel just as important as important to you as your new girlfriend does.

[Sea Draggin]

My oldest daughter HATES my girlfriend, whom I am totally in love with. My daughter feels so strongly against her that she has given me an altimatem! Leave her or my daughter is out of my life for ever! My daughter is 17yo and thinks she knows everyting about the entire world, she has the attitude to go with it as well. She wont talk to me or even look at me. I dont know what to do! My girlfriend and I have even talked about marriage. Any advice for a dad with a broken heart???

Capt Tom

I would tell my 16 yr old that if I wanted her opinion I would give it to her. Then I would follow it up with:

1. Turn off the phone
2. Get off the computer
3. Pick up your frickin clothes
and 4. at least act like your doing your homework.

If she wouldn't talk to me, that would be the blessing I had been wishing for, because our conversations revolve around her and what I can do for her, or get her.

This is the same. Your daughter isn't worried about everyone else, only how she feels (because in fact the world does revolve around them) Your in charge. Let them know it and they may not like it, but will respect it and appreciate it later on.

[clt_capt]

I'm watching a similar situation with my former Sister-in-law and my nephews - My nephews do not like their mother's current boyfriend - although they did like the previous one.

Apparently the boys feel slighted that they only get to go out when her boyfriend is around, but when the want to do something fun, she says they cannot afford it... the boys have tried to talk with her, but she is unreceptive.

You may want to find out why your daughter feels slighted - maybe send the two on a shopping trip...

[Hatterized]

tough love....a CHILD does NOT rule an ADULT's life.

an ADULT mentors and teaches a CHILD and often it is not a happy time for any child.

in the long run...hopefully as your daughter matures she will understand your need of happiness and another woman in your life.

[tuna whacker]

Maybe your daughter is right and your girlfriend is a total *****. Sometimes kids see things we don't, Like the truth since they don't have years of experience to cloud their judgement.

That being said. Let her leave, she will come back to her daddy when she needs money. Thats what parenthood is all about.

[hubris 1]

Because you arent the parent here. One thing about a divorce is that most people never stop living the disfuntion part of it. I agree with LF here. He actually makes sense if "YOU" are the parent.
When I was little their were 5 kids in my family. My father always told us if only 3 of us made it in life, good enough for him. In baseball he would be batting 600. It made all of us realize that we had a job to do and it wasnt making demands and acting like we ran the house.
Parents that let their kids pick which car they are going to buy, where they go on vacation, where they live, and whats for dinner.........are idiots. And the only thing they are teaching their kids to do is repeat the same unhappiness that any "real man" realizes hes living if thats his future. In stead of being a parent they are part of insanity.
If your girlfriend is a smart intellegent woman that you truely love, start now and break the bads habit of your daughter running your life or she will simply move off you after ruining any chance you can be happy,pick a guy of her own and do the very same thing to him in the future. If Hes smart, he will break the bad habit and your daughter will be back living with you with 3 kids.
In short, and polite as can be.........Be a man. Act like her father, not her BFF!

[erg153]

Because you arent the parent here. One thing about a divorce is that most people never stop living the disfuntion part of it. I agree with LF here. He actually makes sense if "YOU" are the parent.
When I was little their were 5 kids in my family. My father always told us if only 3 of us made it in life, good enough for him. In baseball he would be batting 600. It made all of us realize that we had a job to do and it wasnt making demands and acting like we ran the house.
Parents that let their kids pick which car they are going to buy, where they go on vacation, where they live, and whats for dinner.........are idiots. And the only thing they are teaching their kids to do is repeat the same unhappiness that any "real man" realizes hes living if thats his future. In stead of being a parent they are part of insanity.
If your girlfriend is a smart intellegent woman that you truely love, start now and break the bads habit of your daughter running your life or she will simply move off you after ruining any chance you can be happy,pick a guy of her own and do the very same thing to him in the future. If Hes smart, he will break the bad habit and your daughter will be back living with you with 3 kids.
In short, and polite as can be.........Be a man. Act like her father, not her BFF!

I couldn't agree more. WELL SAID