I am going to miss you my friend

[bigfish4me]

I recieved some terrible news yesterday morning, my cousin's husband of about 15 years had taken his own life yesterday morning. The emotions that you go through when something like this happens is like a roller coaster....one minute your sad, the next your mad...then your sad again....i wish i had the answer as to why...but none of us ever will. He left behind a wife and 9 year old son and a family that loved him dearly and it is just a complete shock that this happened. I have had the theme song from Mash running through my head since yesterday afternoon.....the part where they say suicide is painless couldnt be further from the truth......the ones you leave behind feel the pain, heart ache, confusion, and sorrow. I hope that he was able to free himself of what ever chains bound him and drove him to do what he did.....I am mad, sad, angry and confused...i pray for his wife and son ......but sometimes i have to question my spirituality when an event such as this rocks our world. I am going to miss you my friend....rest in peace and know that your family loved you.

[Robja]

Sorry for your loss Bigfish. Suicide is like you say painful to the families involved. I had a cousin do the same thing as a teenager and we never knew why. A couple of years ago I stopped by to see a friend who was severly depressed over losing his wife to someone else. He had attempted sucide a month earlier and I was concerned. As I sat in his apartment all he could do was say he had no reason to live anymore. I pointed to some pictures on the floor of his children and told him that was his reason for living. I reminded him of the pain he endured when he came home from school and found his mother haning from the staircase and I told him it wasn't fair to his kids to have to live through the same thing. I will keep your family in my prayers.

[Fish Biz]

Bigfish, Sorry to you and yours for the loss of a family member.

[bigfish4me]

Thank you for the kind words fellas, the only word i can come up with to explain this situation is Tragic. This was completely out of character for him...just seen him last week as i was bouncing between ball fields trying to watch both of my girls play in softball games....there he was watching his son play in the semi finals....cheering him on and from the surface seeming like just another proud father. I guess the old addage that looks can be decieving has never rung more true than now, always had a smile on his face and always pleasant to talk with and ready to help a friend out.....if only he would have reached out to one of the many friends he had. I hope one day that his wife and son can find the closure that they deserve so badly, i guess we will all second guess ourselves wondering if there was a sign that he was troubled...or some way to prevent this terrible situation.

[sportfishingusa]

Man o man! so sorry bigfish! i couldnt imagine the pain! hang in there man! thoughts and prayers to you and your family! stay strong!

[Deep C]

The mind is a confusing place as it is. Things that make no sense to one make perfect sense to another. Its sad , unspeakably so. Its the thought of others that so often isn't taken into consideration when these decisions are made. A tortured mind can't function as a normal one, logic doesn't play into it. We left behind can't take blame nor can we really get mad at the individual who's wiring crossed that way.
We are in the end the ones left behind though. Try to remember on the good times and not dwell on trying to reason with their action. There is no ryme or reason. My thoughts and prayers are with you and all involved...

[Big Fish Billy]

Big Fish...sorry buddy...I've had three friends go that way in my life...when someone seems or says they "don't have anything to live for" I pay a lot more attention to them now...every day will be better brother.......

[seapower]

I am sorry for the loss, mostly for his wife and kid's. They will need all the support you guy's can give them now and in the future. Those kid's are going to need that special "someone" to sort of fill their daddy's shoe's, if that is possible. Be ready to be that "someone", they'll need it. Thought's and prayer's to you and his family. Frank

[clt_capt]

Sorry for the loss - Your poor cousin must be having a very hard time...

[bigfish4me]

Sorry for the loss - Your poor cousin must be having a very hard time...

She is devistated and trying her hardest to be strong for their son......Yesterday their world as they knew it ended and will never be the same again, i appreciate all the kind words guys.
Thank you