Headline news

[Squidnation]

I thought some of these were pretty funny

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029









Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.









Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.









Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.









Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.









Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the AmericanTerritory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq,Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).









Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.









France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.






Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.









George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.









Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.









85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.









Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.









Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.









Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.









Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals, violates their civil rights.









Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.









New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.









Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.









IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.









Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.









Now, send this to whoever you want to and as many as you want and guess what....NOTHING will happen. No miracles, no money, absolutely nothing, except you might make someone smile.

[flatbottom]

also add to the list

there was one bluefin tuna caught in 2035 on the east coast. The weight was a startling 43 pounds. The angler was Biil Pino age 76 and caught from his 52 foot sail boat. A Hunter class fighting machine He had to notify NMFS before he could eat it. Because of response delay it has cost Bill 1200.00 in ice to keep the catch cold on the Hunter class vessel to this date. He wishes the NMFS would hire more staff as he notes.



They were all great ark. Send some more

[DROPBACK]

Sharkjp wins the OC Marlin Club Tuna Award with 7000 tuna catches.

[Bite Me]

Legendary offshore sportsman Wahoonbox was today quoted as saying, "Green Machines may catch fish........maybe."

[brandon558]

Sharkjp wins the OC Marlin Club Tuna Award with 7000 tuna catches.

That shit still cracks me up. Poor dude

[DROPBACK]

Billfishing extraordinaire, Bill Pino, switches from Vodka Tonics to Apple Martinis to celebrate his 1000th White Marlin Release.

[Squidnation]

hic-cup!!!!

[SeaBiscuit]

Slip Slidin wakes up from his record setting 26 year long nap! First words: "gimme some chocolate"
Biscuit

[shoefish]

NMFS realizes that pressure must be put on foreign fishing fleets to promote conservation of higly migratory species. Decide to investigate the possibility of potentially thinking about maybe perhaps puting together a committe to discuss the validity of the theory (maybe).

[fish4bills]

...NMFS creates law banning all circle hooks from billfish tournaments. All boats must pull hookless teasers only. To constitute a release, the fish must not be stressed in any way and the "angler" must photograph the fish attempting to eat the teaser. The boat with the highest number of fish raised wins. Of course...2 observers on every boat.