Good advice..............

[JOHN LAMOUR]

Nobody knows this story to this day... until now! I need to share..............

I was 18, and just about to go on my gap year to Australia. I was needless to say a little nervous at travelling alone for the first time (and the fact that it was a 23 hour journey from where I live), and so, as they often do in nervous situations, my bowels were definitely not themselves.

My dad drove me to the airport and suggested we get dinner before I went through to departures. I (foolishly) agreed. I chose a steak with a creamy peppercorn sauce off the menu and it was lovely. I thought "ah thats better. I feel good now. No need to worry." How very wrong I was...

I got on the plane and all was well for about 4 hours, until suddenly I felt the dreaded stomach clench, the infamous pins and needles. I started to sweat uncontrollably and knew that the worst was yet to come.

A stroke of luck hit at that point- being so early on in the journey there was no queue for the toilet. So I gingerly got up and slowly walked, cheeks clenched, to the toilet. I sat down and let out some absolutely hideous farts that smelt of rotten fish before feeling an odd sensation on my glazed donut. I looked down, horrified, instead of scrap coming from my rectum there was a clear 'super-glue-esque' substance dripping down into the toilet that smelt to high heaven! I looked to my right to see that there was no toiler paper! WHY ON EARTH WAS THERE NO TOILET PAPER AT THE START OF THE FLIGHT?!?!?! I quickly improvised by using the tissues left on the basin for blowing your nose, ignoring the 'do not flush these tissues' sign and with horror, wiped the sticky, stinking mess from my balloon knot. I thought all would be ok now but the farts kept on coming. I got up and left the toilet and went back to my seat, leaving stinking farts all the way down the isle.

During the flight I made 6 journeys to the toilet to face this fishy hell and when I finally arrived to Australia 19 hours after the first BM I was a sweaty, fishy mess.

TOP TIP... Never EVER decide that eating to settle a bad stomach is a good idea. Especially before an international flight!

[Big Fish Billy]

LT....good to see you back..........

[bigfish4me]

Come on admit it.....your donut was glazed before you ever got to the airport, sounds like a case of anonymous sex in the mens bathroom...George Michael style.....good thing you didnt cough or sneeze while you were doing your duck walk down the aisle.....after having your leather cheerio stretched out....it could have ended in disaster.

[NeonPirate]

The story may have failed to amuse but the term leather cheerio? Now that is hysterical!

[marine4003]

Heeeees Here...be scared..VERY scared, the LT has landed.