FAMOUS MOM & DAD ONE LINERS

[hubris 1]

It wasnt an Irish household. One of his many, "I have 5 kids, if only three of you make it.....thats good enough for me. Thats a 600 batting average in MLB."
We all made sure we didnt dissapoint, and become one of the two that didnt make it. We all made it. Happy, Sucessful, and Healthy........
I think too many parents today support their children no matter what. We were expected to think, succeed, and be happy. I loved my dad, I miss him, but I remember him every day. My irish mother, supported him and everything he said. That is what I remember. When your parents are adults, you have a hugh step up.

[SportFishStaff]

Dad was full of one liners. Growing up a farmer a lot revolved around nature.
"It's not how many times you get kicked off, it's how many times you pick yourself up dust your self off and get back on that counts"

"Bloods Thicker than water"

You may kick my ass but you'll know you've been in a fight
Boy I don't count wins and losses I count pain

Always walk with your head held high a lot of good people died to get you where you are today

Mom.
Talk to me like that again you'll be wearing your teeth on a chain around your neck

To the principal:
I'll tell you what i tell the boys, you don't start **** but if its started with you. You damn well better finish it. They will deal with the repercussions of their actions, but if they started it they will deal with me.

Funny thing is I don't hardly remember my parents ever touching us. It was far worse being a disappointment than to ever get a whooping

[captnemo]

One I heard from my Grand father a couple months back;

I brought you into this world, and i can take you out; and make another one that looks just like you!

[worldcat lemon]

"Boy I'm gonna beat you within an inch of your life"

" that hickie better be from a fist fight or there will be more on your butt put their by a hole in my paddle"

"If you're old enough to talk back, you're old enuf to be on your own"

"you're not as smart as your mouth thinks you are"

"I'm gonna stomp you into a mudhole and then stomp you dry"

"If my shoe gets stuck in your butt, you are gonna polish it"

[Innovator]

One of my favorites from the old man-

"You don't have to be smart, you just can't be stupid"

[evets358]

Classic line from my Dad -

I was so poor that I had to get up half an hour before I went to bed just so that I could walk to school on time

Conversation between my Mum and my brother. She is standing at the front door and he is half way up the driveway.

Mum - Where are you going at this time of night?

Brother - Moonin'

Mum - Whats moonin'??

Brother smiles, turns around, drops his pants, grabs his cheeks and bends over

Mum - picks up her shoe and throws it at my brother. Hits him right in the moon

Best shot I have ever seen. He must have been a 100 feet away.

Whenever my brother asks where I am going - my reply is moonin' - we both have a good laugh about that.

Evets

[longfisher]

Grandfather came from Germany after WWI (hated the National Socialists). Was a real womanizer and Texas with all our Germans was a target-rich environment for him.

He was a real hounddog, so, everything memorable about what the man said had to do with women. Here's a couple:

1) He intensely disliked high-maintenance women. So, when he was dating one and broke it off over their demands he's tell me the latest story as sort of a cautionary tale.

He'd always end the story with the statement, "Son, don't be a fool for women. You don't have to put up with women's crap because p u s s y just don't get that good."

2) On the topic of dating less than attractive women he would also say, "Son, none of them's bad it's just that some's better than others. Do them all!"

3) On the topic of meddlesome neighbor women with whom he share mutual animosity, he'd render the ultimate insult for a devoted womanizer. He'd say, "I wouldn't f*ck her with your dick".

Pretty rank guy, I guess.

LF

[LuckyLady]

Good stuff! It's amazing when you are a kid and don't know any better and think you know all and with age you learn how wrong you were and how right your parents were

[bigfish4me]

If your going to drink all day......you have to start early in the morning