FAMOUS MOM & DAD ONE LINERS

[clt_capt]

The classic of all time "Something Happened"

My girlfriend's mother had accidentally locked herself out of her house and forgotten that a key was under the mat AND totally
spaced on the fact that her other daughter lived tight next door... She got an axe out of the shed and opened the door forcibly... When asked about it her reply was "Something Happened"

[Captain Michael Buffington]

I gave her hell. It was like the 10th time they had moved while I was in highschool and I was a junior linebacker on an undefeated team thathad won 3 state championships in a row and my dad gets transferred againWell I was pissed and found all kinds of ways to let everyone around me know itMy father was in san Antonio texas 2000 some odd miles away and my mother was and is tough as nails but I was definitely wearing on her...

To the policeman who was called to the campus at 8pm in the rain because the football team was playing tag with their hunting trucks in the practice fieldone of those wonderful 16 year old decisions...

My mother- "JUST TAKE HIM TO JAIL!!! I CAN'T HANDLE IT ANYMORE!!! HIS FATHER IS 2000 MILES AWAY AND HE'S DRIVING ME NUTS!!!"
Policeman-"Well mam...uh now what these boys have done is just not...uhh...somethin' I can arrest them for and I...uh...already talked to their coach and he says he's gonna take care of it..."
My mother-"THE HELL HE IS, MICHAEL GET YOUR ASS IN THE CAR AND YOU CAN SAY GOODBYE TO THAT TRUCK!!!"

It sat there for two weeks and I have never seen her that pissed

Mike

[Capt_John]

My grandma had some good ones when I was a kid.

1. "Boy, I'm gonna beat you to the white meat".

2. " A hard head makes for a soft ass".

3. "I'm gonna drop you like a bad habit".

4. "Want in one hand and crap in the other...see which fills up first".

5. "Money doesn't grow on trees".

6. "If you shoot it, you gonna eat it".

[quackaddict89]

Boy you could tear the horns off a billy goat

and my favorite

Dont let that alligator mouth over load that mocking bird butt !!!

[Hallnass282]

My dad can get pretty crude

I brought you into this world but I can take you out of it and make another one just like ya.

Boy the best part of you ran down your mothers leg

Boy if your gonna be dumb ya better be tough

The best one I ever heard was when I split a kids face in like 5th grade. Cops came with a fine and dad told him to wait a minute and shut the door. He looked at me and said " was it worth it ? " ... He wrote a check and never said a word to mom.

[Robja]

One my grandfather used when I was around 9. He handed me a double barrel shotgun and told me to shoot a can off a fence post. When i asked which trigger to pull he said i could pull them both. He proceeded to grab me by the front of the shirt to stand me back up and said. That goes to show you that no matter which side of a gun your on if you don't know what your doing you can get hurt.

[bigfish4me]

Aside from some of the previously mentioned....If i wanted something out of the question....."dad i really want that...his response was people in hell want ice water" .
another few

talking to you is like pushing a rope....i am getting nowhere
dont let your crocidile mouth overload your canary bird ass
if i want your opinion.... i will give it to you
Boy......get your head out of your ass

[Questsportfishing]

my Grandpa was a hard old bird but he got his point across..

"..back in the service when a mule wouldn't listen we'd knock him upside the head with a 2X4 to get his attention!.. Is that what it's gonna take with you?"
and one I tried on my wife as a joke while out diving..

"I will respect what you have to say when you can stand up and pee striaght!"

she said it right back at me...

this is what I do tell my friends though when we are fishing and they give thier advise...

"Your opinions are like the cackling of seagulls..shut up!"

have a great day!

[mllacosta]

my dad still tells me that "He's been around the block a few times"

[ElMar2530]

Classic My Dad..... "I taught him everything I know and he's still stupid"

Think about it.