Dog Pet Peeves

1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg
humping.

2. Blaming your farts on me... not funny.

3. Yelling at me for barking... I am a dog you moron, what am
I supposed to do?

4. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over
everything while you're gone. (Have you noticed that your
toothbrush tastes a little like cat?)

5. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out.
Exactly whose damn walk is this anyway?

6. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it.

7. Yelling at me for rubbing my ass on your carpet. Why'd you
buy carpet?

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry
but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know
the truth, you're just jealous.

10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed my fur?

11. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why
we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

12. When you insist on picking up the piles in the yard. Do you
realize how far behind schedule that puts me?

13. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting
surprised when I freak out every time we go back there.

14. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog!
What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.