Divorce Agreement

[Robja]

DIVORCE AGREEMENT

THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS
FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.

OUTSTANDING.


Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:


We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of A merica cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and=2 0Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a righ t. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.


Sincerely,

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.

[Russell A. Jost]

That works for me. He gets my vote. When do we start?

[Fish Hard Fear Nothing]

VERY WELL DONE!! Now if it would only work?

[La Gringa]

Excellent...!!!

[lazyfatass247]

The solution to every problem.

[SoFLA34]

Perfectly stated, where do I sign the petition/divorce papers?

[BKitner]

WELL WRITTEN - IF ONLY IT WERE SO EASY

[nautiduck]

I agree with everything except the Subaru part if my wife has to give up her Subie I guarantee someones getting shot (by her) and it aint gonna be me. She had the choice of anything she wanted, and she wanted another Subie. So hands off the liberal pukes cant have them. We still have the old one and all its ever needed was a radiator and that was my fault, but we wont get into that.

[Billatstarbrite]

Anyone who can't stand Hanoi Jane and Barbra Streisand is ok in my book.

[bigeasy]

seem a distinct possibility. The two groups literally hate each others guts.

But the liberal crowd will never let us go. How would they support themselves and what would they eat?