Did a Deepin tonite!

[Deep C]

I was thinking about Jesseees post last night about how things were bad and couldn't get worse. Well some of you remember a while back that I had received notice from our homeowners association condo nazi subcomittee that they were suing me for not painting the house...
Tonight was the hearing and I got to meet my accuser face to face. The little sherew presentedher case. "Starting in march we notified Mr. Deep that the trim needed to be painted... Then in April we notified him again... The pait has faded and white is showing through... Then as of this afternoon they have not taken steps to correct the situation"

Oooooh my ass got toasty! Time to go Deep... "Utter Hogwash" I dropped the first receipt dated late Feb for a trim painting... Then dropped the exact date that I pressure washed the same area right before going to the Bahamas (late April) ...... Then I dropped the $1100 receipt for the reapainting that we did just this Saturday " No steps have been taken????" "AS of today?????"" Then I dropped the pics of my house and actual samples... Dark beige with even darker beige trim... "Faded through to the white????" I don't have any white on the outside of my house. I don't need paint you silly cow, you need new glasses. Now if you will excuse me I gotta pack to go kill tunas in New Jersey!"

Game set match to the Deep! Some days its good to be alive... On my way to the rolling tackle box I could see her sobbing as the comittee ripped her a new one...

[Proheat]

Good one Deep!!

I was just talkin to Flatbottom tonight about crap he has in his community- he needs to go deep on his community nazi's too!

How about giving him some pointers!

[Deep C]

I dunno... This one was a pretty easy quick thrashing...
I missed my calling. I should have been a lawyer. Used to defend my own sppeding ticket cases. That was tough considering the traffic judge gets paid from the fines he collected but I love a challenge...
I was deadly when it came to the laws of physics... Example 1: The radar device used by one town used to take a full second to recycle between readings. And has an effective reading cone of 24 degrees. Then some dim wit cop would spit out that he had 6 readines at say 50 mph as i crassed his path. I'd lay out a diagram of the intersection and get him to put his car where he was. Then get him to state where my car was. Then I'd overlay a 24 degree cone to show what area he could read without "panning" the unit. (Panning would disqualify any readings)... "We're you Panning?"
"NO"
"Well the area of operation of your radar unit would have had me in it for just under a second. Only enough time for one reading... You say you took six... No further questions..." Filleted them every time...

Another classic was a cop that paced me. He "saw me go by at a high rate of speed. I was 4 /10 of a mile in front of him when he pulled on to the same road. He pulled me over 8/ 10 of a mile from where he first saw me...
"Officer... How fast were you going to catch up with me?"
"56 mph..."
"Well thats what spped you wrote the ticket for as having paced me at 56mph"
"Yes"
"But you caught up to me... In fact, you covered twice the distance as me in the same amount of time. That would indicate that I was doing half of 56... 28mph"
"Next case" yelled the judge...

[Proheat]

LMAO DEEP!

My father-inlaw always said" when you got your ass in a jam, you'd better do some fast talkin!"- LOL!!

Glad it worked out for you!

[Deep C]

Just one time I would love to live out my dream in court...

Officer isn't it true that I was not in fact speeding... Isn't it true that you saw that I have a lot of fishing poles in my car. You knew that I am a fisherman. Fishermen have cool lives. You wish you were fisheman out fishing. Didn't you... You hate riding around on that oversized moped handing out citations to ladys with fake boobs and face lifts in their fancy BMW's. You want to be a fisherman and can't! Admit it! Your a cop! Not a fisherman! You pulled me over because you are jealous! Isn't that what happened officer????

OK OK YOURE RIGHT! God i'M SO CONFUSED. I TOOK IT OUT ON YOU BECAUSE YOU GET TO SEE ALL KINDS OF NIFTY STUFF AND I JUST GET TO WRITE TICKETS AND BLOW MY WHISTLE!

[WAHOONBOX]

THE NAZI WHISTLE BLOWER ***** IN MY HOLEY SANCTUM COMMUNITY CAME TO MY NEIGHBORS HOUSE AND TOLD THEM SHE PUT A HALT TO THEM BUILDING A $9K SHED IN THEIR BACKYARD....MATCHINBG THEIR HOUSE....THEY ASKED ME IF I OBJECTED AND I TOLD THEM HELL NO ...THEAT THIS WAS THEIR CASTLE AND DO AS THEY LIKED........THE GUAL OF THAT PURPLE HAIRED WINCH!

NOW THEY WANT ALL OUTSIDE LIGHTS TURNED OFF BY 10 PM ...........DO YOU BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAID?


SHIT................IT'S 10:27 PM AND I THINK I'LL GO TURN MINE ON JUST FOR CRAPS AND GIGGLES

NO MORE MEETINGS TO ATTEND....NO WAY....JUST SEND ME THE BILL FOR WHATEVER ...BUT I WILL NOT SIT IN A ROOM FULL OF IDIOTS AND LISTEN TO THE WHINEY ASSES

AND THE NEXT TIME I CATCH THE RICH PEOPLES CAT SHITTIN ON MY DRIVE WAY....I WILL...............I WILL...................WELL.........YOU KNOW ME


I BET THEY TALK ABOUT MY COMMERCIAL FISHING BASKETS IN MY TRUCK BED ALL THE TIME..............JUST WAIT TILL I SKIN ONE OUT IN THE FRONT YARD....THAT SHOULD JUST ABOUT DO IT

[Proheat]

THE NAZI WHISTLE BLOWER ***** IN MY HOLEY SANCTUM COMMUNITY CAME TO MY NEIGHBORS HOUSE AND TOLD THEM SHE PUT A HALT TO THEM BUILDING A $9K SHED IN THEIR BACKYARD....MATCHINBG THEIR HOUSE....THEY ASKED ME IF I OBJECTED AND I TOLD THEM HELL NO ...THEAT THIS WAS THEIR CASTLE AND DO AS THEY LIKED........THE GUAL OF THAT PURPLE HAIRED WINCH!

NOW THEY WANT ALL OUTSIDE LIGHTS TURNED OFF BY 10 PM ...........DO YOU BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAID?


SHIT................IT'S 10:27 PM AND I THINK I'LL GO TURN MINE ON JUST FOR CRAPS AND GIGGLES

NO MORE MEETINGS TO ATTEND....NO WAY....JUST SEND ME THE BILL FOR WHATEVER ...BUT I WILL NOT SIT IN A ROOM FULL OF IDIOTS AND LISTEN TO THE WHINEY ASSES

AND THE NEXT TIME I CATCH THE RICH PEOPLES CAT SHITTIN ON MY DRIVE WAY....I WILL...............I WILL...................WELL.........YOU KNOW ME


I BET THEY TALK ABOUT MY COMMERCIAL FISHING BASKETS IN MY TRUCK BED ALL THE TIME..............JUST WAIT TILL I SKIN ONE OUT IN THE FRONT YARD....THAT SHOULD JUST ABOUT DO IT

Marty- Why don't you run for the community president and put them in thier place. WAHOO FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!

[Deep C]

..............JUST WAIT TILL I SKIN ONE OUT IN THE FRONT YARD....THAT SHOULD JUST ABOUT DO IT

A couple years back I took one as I was leaving Jersey... I tagged it, floded it and stuff him in my monster cooler and packed it with snow. I waited for the kids and parents that walk past my place to school clear out before doing the deed...
I laid the tarp on the front lawn and went at it. I was going like a buzz saw. Hooves, fur and meat were flyin. I capped the skull (For what I don't know it was only a shitty spike) and tossed the head on the grass. Well... I didn't see the neighbors mexican house keeper standing there...

She let out a "Aye carumba," an "Aye Kilastima", and a whole bunch of other words I don't understand as she came unglued!!! She ran back in the house and brought out the neighbor...

He started to laugh and calmed her down in spanish... She never saw a deer before and thought I was whackin a dog!
All cuttin is out back before and since on Minis old swing set...

[flatbottom]

I pick the boat up and haul to my home and load up 09:00 pms...the purple hairs are asleep 03:00 ams I pull out for my best relaxations since boogie night dance'in in the 70's When I come home to unload @ 08:00 pms the purple poop hits the fan. I get calls, letters, even county officers checking on me yup the purple headed biddy's with no life purpose call and have me cited.....so I have a buddy push snow in their driveway during the storms up here for sheets and giggles.....but after they have dug out for a whole day. I know that is not right but heck the kid down the street makes a 20 spot see up here you are not aloud to enjoy life cause the purple hairs have no life. It is funny watching them walk the street...looks like two wrestlers in their shorts fighting, they jiggle so much......so much for busting your azz to buy a boat and enjoying life.......I need another plan....anybody have an idea....I am all ears

[JMS-ILM]

i keep getting hate mail from my HOA for the same exact reason.....they think my house needs painting. the old retired transplant yankees on the board dont have anything to do but walk around and look at peoples houses. marty, they ***** about my fish baskets and coolers stacked up by my trashcan too.

just wait.....one day i will have my 20 acres of solitude.....one day.