Dammit

johnnydeep · 07-20-2008, 04:31 AM

Was watching the featured video and realized my son will never do that....
Dammit hate to bring the mood down but I am having a hell of a time
Had to tell my dad I'm dying and my son too....
its a shitty hand and I wish I could play it with the dignity that I think I should have....
things don't always work out the way you want!
lifes a muther ****er that way....
what the hell is a guy supposed to do?
I am so goddam lost at this point I dont know what to do...

I know I have to be strong for everyone... but what the hell do I do? Who the hell helps me when this shit is kicking my ass?
I don't get do overs, with my son or my wife or my dad

They just get to watch me waste away...
its ****ed up dammit
The only thing I can promise is I will NOT break down in front of them...how hollow is that

Cardinal Joe · 07-20-2008, 08:10 AM

Sorry - I feel for You ! Life is NOT always Fair , but when the Quality of LIFE , starts going down hill , Do you really want to live that life ? If and when I get Cancer , I will most likely NOT choose CHEMO Therapy ! I have seen to many of my friends suffer to stay alive , and HATE there Quality of life , I would rather just die peacefully in my sleep ! Cardinal Joe

Questsportfishing · 07-20-2008, 08:37 AM

through the good and the really bad times... he had cancer and I was really proud to know him. He told me one day (after shooting his tv in his welding shop office ) that ya know I gotta make everyday count now... You do the same and eat right take time out with your brat and your girl. this life is sometimes dealing a stange hand and none of us like it sometimes. Your not hallow your human and when stuff comes up you look at the good side of what you have and what you can still do everyday. And thanks for your post it all keeps the rest of us in check sometimes when we gripe about our back hurting some because we had to bust ass and we are just a little bit sore. You eat good as you can . Take a drive. Have as much fun as you can and see all the good you can see in other people and then check out the mirror and see yourself and just remember we will all be in your shoes some day .

seapower · 07-20-2008, 09:00 AM

we all take our life and health for granted to some extent until they are threatened. Until we realize "IT" can happen to us. We live our lives providing and being strong for our families, that's what fathers do. I'm sorry for what you are going through. I've known too many people that have gone down your road. Johnny realize that you are going to leave a legacy (memories) for those that love you. All you can do is the best you can, you are Human. Take this time to do the things "you wished you could have done" with your family. Your health may not allow you to do the "big" things you want to do, but it may well me your simple conversations that carry on with them. Keep the Faith, as Quest said we'll all be in your shoes soon enough. God Bless, Frank

Charlie Wade · 07-20-2008, 09:21 AM

Sorry to hear that. That's a tough hand to be dealt. For what it's worth, my Dad was given 6 months by the medical community. He lived for another 18 years. All I can say is that keeping a positive mental attitude is KEY. It can't be easy, but it's really important. Prayers sent.

Team Boat Show Direct · 07-20-2008, 10:13 AM

Got a miracle through prayers once...will pray for you too!

SeaBiscuit · 07-20-2008, 10:38 AM

Thinking of you and your family Johnny.
SeaBiscuit

johnnydeep · 07-20-2008, 02:08 PM

spent yesterday salmon fishing with my son and had a great day! When I cant sleep at night I get to wondering how many more I get...and hell I still have options...starting a clinical trial aug 6th...
I still have to put things in order though, and thats the hardest part about all this, because even the best options dont really work worth a crap!
And when its staring you in the face 24/7 it wears on a guy...
hearing the encouragement does help, It really does...
its just another resource for me to help get through the tough times and I really appreciate it!

Wave Loudly · 07-20-2008, 03:06 PM

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I can only offer that sometimes approaching each day with the recognition of your weakness, you have to find the strengths you have at hand to overcome for the day. Strength in yourself, your family, your friends, your Faith can help you through many things if you tap into them. Knowing which one or combination is best as each sitution arises is the tough part, but it is possible to learn quickly if you put thought into it.

Also remember that the word "Can't" isn't always true, and you need to keep that fact in mind when you or others say that you can't do something.

Wish I were a wiser man and could offer more.

gradywhite273 · 07-20-2008, 08:27 PM

johnny i read this post earlier today, and thought about it most of the day.

First, I am so sorry you have to go through this, i can not even begin to imagine how it feels for you or others around you . Follow your heart and do what you have to do. you get up every morning and deal with this. My friend, that is true strength.

I don't know what words could help you , except that you have friends here.

07-20-2008, 04:31 AM	#1
johnnydeep I practice safe fishing Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 65 Credits: 1,254.5 Boat: Scuba Doo Home Port: Des Moines WA	Dammit Was watching the featured video and realized my son will never do that.... Dammit hate to bring the mood down but I am having a hell of a time Had to tell my dad I'm dying and my son too.... its a shitty hand and I wish I could play it with the dignity that I think I should have.... things don't always work out the way you want! lifes a muther **er that way.... what the hell is a guy supposed to do? I am so goddam lost at this point I dont know what to do... I know I have to be strong for everyone... but what the hell do I do? Who the hell helps me when this shit is kicking my ass? I don't get do overs, with my son or my wife or my dad They just get to watch me waste away... its **ed up dammit The only thing I can promise is I will NOT break down in front of them...how hollow is that __________________ Trying to be the man my dog thinks I am! http://johnnydeep1.blogspot.com/

07-20-2008, 08:37 AM	#3
Questsportfishing Stop staring at my Avatar. Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Ft Lauderdale Posts: 389 Credits: 1,581.2 Boat: 28' Custom Bertram Home Port: Port Everglades Best Catch: the one that makes people smile! Occupation: Sport Fishing Captian	we spent three months last year hanging out with our friend.. through the good and the really bad times... he had cancer and I was really proud to know him. He told me one day (after shooting his tv in his welding shop office ) that ya know I gotta make everyday count now... You do the same and eat right take time out with your brat and your girl. this life is sometimes dealing a stange hand and none of us like it sometimes. Your not hallow your human and when stuff comes up you look at the good side of what you have and what you can still do everyday. And thanks for your post it all keeps the rest of us in check sometimes when we gripe about our back hurting some because we had to bust ass and we are just a little bit sore. You eat good as you can . Take a drive. Have as much fun as you can and see all the good you can see in other people and then check out the mirror and see yourself and just remember we will all be in your shoes some day .

07-20-2008, 10:13 AM	#6
Team Boat Show Direct Hide- My Wifes Logged On Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 159 Credits: 1,281.6 Boat: Fountain 31' SFC + 34' CC trip 300'S Home Port: Mystic, CT Best Catch: All of Them!! Occupation: Fish as much as possible	Got a miracle through prayers once...will pray for you too! __________________ We love Fountains and Fishing for http://teamboatshowdirect.net/

07-20-2008, 02:08 PM	#8
johnnydeep I practice safe fishing Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 65 Credits: 1,254.5 Boat: Scuba Doo Home Port: Des Moines WA	it helps a little.. spent yesterday salmon fishing with my son and had a great day! When I cant sleep at night I get to wondering how many more I get...and hell I still have options...starting a clinical trial aug 6th... I still have to put things in order though, and thats the hardest part about all this, because even the best options dont really work worth a crap! And when its staring you in the face 24/7 it wears on a guy... hearing the encouragement does help, It really does... its just another resource for me to help get through the tough times and I really appreciate it! __________________ Trying to be the man my dog thinks I am! http://johnnydeep1.blogspot.com/

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07-20-2008, 09:00 AM	#4
seapower Hide- My Wifes Logged On Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Bath,NC Posts: 149 Credits: 1,257.9 Boat: 25' DownEaster Home Port: Bath, NC Best Catch: My wife Occupation: marine diesel service owner	we all take our life and health for granted to some extent until they are threatened. Until we realize "IT" can happen to us. We live our lives providing and being strong for our families, that's what fathers do. I'm sorry for what you are going through. I've known too many people that have gone down your road. Johnny realize that you are going to leave a legacy (memories) for those that love you. All you can do is the best you can, you are Human. Take this time to do the things "you wished you could have done" with your family. Your health may not allow you to do the "big" things you want to do, but it may well me your simple conversations that carry on with them. Keep the Faith, as Quest said we'll all be in your shoes soon enough. God Bless, Frank

07-20-2008, 10:38 AM	#7
SeaBiscuit I think Admin is going to let me have this space Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Wilmington NC Posts: 2,960 Credits: 5,011.5	Thinking of you and your family Johnny. SeaBiscuit

07-20-2008, 03:06 PM	#9
Wave Loudly Stop staring at my Avatar. Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 445 Credits: 1,265.3 Boat: Hobie Outfitter Kayak	My thoughts and prayers are with you. I can only offer that sometimes approaching each day with the recognition of your weakness, you have to find the strengths you have at hand to overcome for the day. Strength in yourself, your family, your friends, your Faith can help you through many things if you tap into them. Knowing which one or combination is best as each sitution arises is the tough part, but it is possible to learn quickly if you put thought into it. Also remember that the word "Can't" isn't always true, and you need to keep that fact in mind when you or others say that you can't do something. Wish I were a wiser man and could offer more.