Joke no1 :
Sean and Paddy are down in the local bar in county Galway Ireland having a few pints of the black stuff.

The 2 old fellas are sitting next door to the adjoining restaurant when they suddenly hear a bloodcurdling choking,gurgling noise and obviously something is wrong.

Paddy sets down his pint and looks into the eating area.

A middleaged rather large lady is turning purple as she literally chokes to death on a not well chewed enough chunk of finest sirloin.

Not thinking at all of his own safety,Paddy rushes in and firmly grabs the big girl.

Using all his strength he wrestles her to the nearest table,throwing her face down across it.

With no delay he pulls up her skirt and quickly rips off her knickers before dropping to his knees and, to the horror of all the onlookers,suddenly starts running his tongue up and down her arse.

Instantly, a huge piece of fatty steak bursts from her mouth splattering against the wall.

She starts breathing again,her life is saved and Paddy is hailed as a hero.

Shunning his new found fame Paddy goes back to the bar to his mate Sean and his pint.

As he takes a sip,Sean turns to him and says,

"you know Paddy,I'd heard of that hind-lick manoeuvre but I never saw it in action before"........

Joke no2 :
An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...





When asked how he was feeling, the 86-year-old replied,

“Things are just great and I've never felt better.'

I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.

'So what do you think about that Doc?”







The Doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.


'I have an elderly friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.'




One day he was setting off to go hunting.

In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.'

'As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.




He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.

Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'Bang Bang'.'


'Incredibly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.





Now, what do you think of that?' asked the Doctor.


The 86-year-old thought for a minute and said,


'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.'

The Doctor replied, 'My point exactly




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