Cat lovers Beware

[Thin Blue Line]

Heres a funny email I just received. Enjoy...
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Cat Lover or Not, this is hysterical! We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one: Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the nextday. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it." "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patterand steam. "Reset it yourself!" "But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second." So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding. Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back into the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about,which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"If they only knew! Why is it that only the women laugh at this? Hope your week is better than his!!!!!!!!!!

[ejstenger]

OOOOH! that hurts just reading it, but I can't help myself HA!, HA!. HA! Now that's some funny stuff.

[Talbot29]

Now that's funny.

[captkev1]

If your boys come out and do another charter with us this year, il make sure this is brought up for sure.

[offshore]

Thats the funniest thing I have hear in a while!!!!Mark

[hubris 1]

first of all i want to say how much you inspired me at x-mas. i cooked like your grandmother. nothing like an italian seven fish dinner........ and that is just the appetizer! all the old recipes from long ago. ............ready, that joke is about 5 years old. it first went around the hospital emergency room. but i did enjoy x-mas eve because of the inspiration you gave me.

[Thin Blue Line]

first of all i want to say how much you inspired me at x-mas. i cooked like your grandmother. nothing like an italian seven fish dinner........ and that is just the appetizer! all the old recipes from long ago. ............ready, that joke is about 5 years old. it first went around the hospital emergency room. but i did enjoy x-mas eve because of the inspiration you gave me.

I hadnt seen this one before and I got a pretty good laugh out of it. Im glad my x-mas eve post inspired you. It is truly my favorite day of the year. I have tons of her old recipes.

[major Mitchell]

I have tears in my eyes Ouch!!!