Oh.....I am all over this one.......please, nobody apply to it.....this one is mine!!!! Retirement by 40!!!

Elite Service Incorporated

Cargo Company

manager@eliteseirviceint.com

All types of transportation services



Hello! (Nice and friendly way to start of spam)



We received your contact on CareerBuilder and we are interested in

your resume. (My "contact"......isn't he supposed to be some secret type guy wearing a trench coat?)
So, we would like to consider you for the position of Transport

operator for Elite Service Incorporated Cargo Company. (A change it fields might be nice considering the Information Technology world is such a bust, who uses computers anyway)
We are seeking transport operator to work at the convenience of their

home, part-time (4-5 hours a week) (Are they asking me to be a drug mule?)



The Company’s main field of work.



We deal

with cargo transportation both in the USA and the whole world. (The whole wide world??? how exciting!!!)
Considering present market, consumer who orders transportation service

expects timely and high-quality cargo transportation all over the world. (So in a bad market, they don't want "timely and high-quality transportation")
High-quality fulfillment of the customer’s requirements is the result of

well-coordinated and organized work of personnel of the whole Cargo

Company, no matter if it’s a manager, a driver or a loader. As for

transportation, it must be done as soon as possible. (Now your getting a little pushy, I was planning on doing a little fishing) The cargo safety is

of great importance, too. No matter where the cargo is carried: city,

district or other regions. (So, lets say I am muling your junk up from Columbia to Miami, does this mean that I can't stop off for a quickie from a $20/wk hooker in Cuba without fear of being rolled by some common street trash)
The company responsible for the cargo and must take care of its safety

and deliver it in time.

Bad coordination of cargo transportation can result in financial and

moral losses. (Moral losses.....oh no.....I could start another war if there were moral losses.....Our fearless leader, GW, will have to use that someone is his next speech......) Therefore, if you face such an acute problem as cargo

transportation, you should hire a professional company. (Isn't that what your company does????)
Best logisticians of our company plan, control and operate

cargo

transportation, professional drivers have great work experience in

cities and loaders (riggers) are very skillful. (Thats good, so all the unskilled guys are actually working Union jobs somewhere) All employees had been

thoroughly selected on the basis of their high qualification. To

transport cargo in the US and Europe, our company uses auto transport

with capacity from 1.5 to 20 t. Our car fleet contains more than 70

cars. (woohoo...catching up to Jay Leno) We provide high –quality and timely transportation.

Our clients and partners who preferred our cargo company have made sure

about that. During this time worldwide known companies have signed

contracts with us. DHL, GILLETTE INTERNATIONAL LLC, DAIMLER-CHRYSLER,

etc. are among them. Cargo transportation is for individuals and

entities. (GILLETTE!!!! Oh I am sold.......this means I could have all the free razors I want....considering I shave my head, this could be a potential earnings bonanza for me!) Dealing with entities, it is necessary to sign a contract. (Dealing with anyone it would probably be best to sign a contract) Contract parties are a cargo company and a client. The contract on

transportation of cargo belonging to national and public organizations

is based on plan, necessary for both parties.

(Pause.......has this email made any sense whatsoever yet???? Are we hauling cars, razors, drugs or underage girls to be sold into slavery in third world countries?????)

Relevance of transportation problems is confirmed by the fact that 50%

of all logistics expenses are related to transportation expenditures.

Our task is to reduce those expenditures as much as possible. In this

connection along with expanding of working area we open an additional

vacancy (to help our clients to save money on calculations).

(HUH?!?!?!)

Job description:

(Oh goodie goodie)

- getting the bank or pay pal transfers (from the clients of the company),
(Check, I got both!)

- cashing it and sending to different addresses (law and insurance

companies). (Sending cash to a lawyer and insurance company....should I bother even getting a receipt?)

- informing the company about each detail of transaction (from $2000 to

$10 000) (Well, its the least I could do if you are planning on ripping me off, I should tell you how much you are getting)


Payment:



- You will earn from $2000 to $3000 per month. (Is this before or after taxes? Can I get paid in Cash like the lawyers and insurance companies?)


- Your commission during the trial period will be 5% from every transaction. (Not bad, though I hear this is better than selling real estate)


- After two months of trial period your commission will be 10%+$ 1300

salary. (Oh really....so if I send you 10,000, I will get 1000 + 1300 back....SCORE! Do I get any frequent flyer miles as well? Timeshare in Barbados maybe??? Should I just take my cut off the top of should I send you cash and just wait for my bogus check to never show up?)


- Our company also pays all extra charges for transfers.
(Well that is might kind of you)



Obligations:



- The agent

has to take the payment from the client and transfer it to our

main office or to one of our regional subsidiaries depending on the

client’s location. (And I am sure your offices in the "Great City of New York in the United States of America)



- You also have to keep strict accounting of all the transferred payments

and send daily reports to your personal manager. (This will come in handy when I have to go to the Attorney General in Pennsylvania)


Demands:



* Home and mobile phone numbers (CHECK!)

* Possibility to answer the phone calls (This could be difficult if I am 60 miles out fishing for Tuna but that is what I got vmail for! CHECK!)
* Age from 21 till 60. (CHECK but not sure why this matters, can't you rip off older and younger people much easier)

* PC with internet access, e-mail (I wouldn't have found out about the exciting oppurtunity of a lifetime if I didn't, CHECK!!!!)

* Possibility of checking your e-mail several times a day (Oh, please, I have a worthless day job in Information Technology, of course I can check my emails constantly for a job that should take 4-5 hours a week as you previously stated. CHECK!)
* Possibility to answer e-mail immediately (CHECK!)

* Bank account for getting payments (CHECK!)

* Possibility to open new bank account only for job (CHECK!)

* Possibility to provide online access to this empty bank account (Oh but of course, CHECK!!!)
* Possibility to cashing within 2 hours (What is "cashing"? Oh I am sure it is legit and they will train me to the vocabulary used on the job. CHECK!)

* Great sense of responsibility (Sorry, I am quite irresponsible but here is my bank informations.......no CHECK!)

* Ability to follow strict detailed instructions (How detailed, do they come with pictures, diagrams are always easy to follow)

* Problem-solving skills (I still can't see the sailboat in the picture...no CHECK!)

* Permanent registration/home address (Sure, you want the deed to the house as well?)

* No criminal records in credit history (I have lots of criminal records in my credit history, thats why it is soooo good)

 3-5

free hours a week (preferably off-work time) (Sorry I am fishing in my free time)


If you are interested in this position, please, feel free to contact us:

manager@eliteseirviceint.com

I am all over this one people!!!



Best regards