Almost Enough To Say Humbug!A Rant

[Deep C]

I'm not much for last minute shopping. I do it the day before last minute or better yet I do it after Christmas when I can get stuff real cheap... Been working so hard recently only had enough time to tidy those loose ends today.
Palm Beach County seems to be unique in that it must have every favorite relative in the entire country living here because we swell from simply over crowded to outright shoulder to shoulder jammed up. Driving in that crap gets special. Those who follow my rants know bad driving hits my hot buttons. Jumping one lane without a signal earns a finger. Two and we add a horn blast. Three or more and I'm ready to crawl out my window and slap the ******* to sleep.
So you have the aggressive lane jumping dimwits eating at my brake pads. Then you have the nearly deads who havn't figured out that the pedal on the right when pressed will actually let you move forward. Finally I love the 50 state representation by all the license plates and every one of em more lost than the other.
Now comes shopping time... Wallyworld was surprisingly nice. Kinda quiet and people were polite? I had to go outside twice to make sure I was actually there... I picked up a couple rollback specials and jumped in the rolling tackle box to fight more traffic.
Being local, I have back routes to duck the traffic. Problem is that the lost people and lane zippers found them too. My mood grows foul... Turn on the Christmas music station. That in itself is a crap shoot...Most holiday songs I like but some grate on me like fingers on a chalkboard. That damned Felize Navidad pisses me off, sing in english! That dingbat Michael Jackson squeaking out the lyrics to "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause"... Hey Mike! Be glad it wasn't a hummer she was layin on him...
I arrive at Hell... They call it a mall, I call it Hell... Park a full kilometer from the nearest door and start hoofing it. Some New York car about runs me down going the wrong way on a one way. I see nobody driving . Just a set of bony knuckles on the wheel. I have to hurdle over some run over McDonalds milkshake... How come there are so many of them abandoned in parking lots where they can get run over...
I decide to make the grand entrance... Deep, unshaven, decked out in dirty boat yard clothes, pliers on the hip enters by Saks Fifth Avenue... I can hear the security cameras whir as I enter the place. I stop and sniff perfumes as I stroll through. I look over my shoulder and the dozen undercover security guys on my ass suddenly pretend to belooking elsewhere. I play red light green light with them for a while then make it to the center of the mall itself.
People every friggen place... Good looking people and not good ooking people people with kids and some with kids that should never have kids... I walk by Santas set up... This Santa I have to wonder if he's the real deal. I have sixteen ornaments on our tree with a pic of mini sitting on Santas lap
and this is the same one and he hasn't aged a day in all those years.
I get to the Sony Store... I bought Mini a super cd stereo for her car yesterday that can feed off an MP3 so I decide I'm gonna up the game. "Yes sir, heres our best 2 gig MP3"... "Oh no sir we don't carry the caple that hooks it to the stereo"??? I read the stereo instructions to him stating that it must be matched with such and such sony component. "Oh sir we carry no such thing... Try Radio Shack at the other end of the mall..."
I make the half mile two story hike through the throngs of fat people and get to radio shack. There it is... A Sony cable. A skimpy wire at best that I need to take a second mortgage for...
I'm free at last... Back to the RTB and into the non moving river of metal... I curse the music choices then they get better. Porky pig doing Blue Christmas get me half way chuckling. Oh Holy Night comes on and I draw from my grandfathers opera carreer days and belt out a barritone rendition for my own enjoyment... The day is getting better. I'm close to home when it becomes clear that the music on the radio is on a short loop... The stereo starts squeaking again. "I saw mommy........" Hey Mike!.................Merry Christmas...

[oldmud]

LOLOL !!!!! I feel much better now Merry Christmas Deep.

[Gringo]

stress level is much better here. When your christmas shopping choices are a new conch hammer or a keyboard for a laptop via internet....the marketing folks can take a flying leap at trying to sell Christmas as the time of the year to spend money.

[gottaflylee]

Traffic...today at 3:00 comming back from picking up some Oysters, the traffic was like 5:30 rush hour on the way home...30 mins. to go 5 blocks and I was not downtown, I wasn't even in the city...
Now for the raido, we have a great station that I like to listen to but the Christmas Music had to go so in goes the CD...ah much better.
Now for the Oysters, just like I like them, good and salty...

[Deep C]

I wore out all the cd's I got this summer... Couldn't stand the Jersey radio stations so I listened to them... to death... Have some older stuff that I gotta figure how to run from cassette over to disk...
Just spent the last half hour in a rage... I misplaced that little bitty cable that I went to get in the first place ... Just found it a minute ago... Now I gotta put my car and house back together...

[square head13]

I hate the Gardens Mall! The people there are so sh!tty unless you are wearing some designer crap.

[Deep C]

Thats why I love going in looking like road kill...

[hotshot1]

that really costly cable you bought , check online you could get it for 1/4 the price.

[Deep C]

Shipping was more than the cable... I needed it for tomorrow...

[Marlin Mama]

Hey Deep C,
What kind of music do you like? I can burn you a bunch of CD's! You won't have them for Christmas but they'll be a good way to start your new year!
Here's Gypsy singing to one now!