actual police humor

[esangler]

POLICE HUMOR



These 16 Police comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country: Police giving citations.


#16 "You know stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."


#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."


# 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."


#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."


#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."


#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"


#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"


#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."


#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"


#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."


#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."


#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"


#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."


#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."


AND THE WINNER IS....


#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

[John Rogers]

Good stuff there. I was pulled over 2 days ago in my driveway. As I was getting out of my truck I see I cop coming in my driveway with his lights on. I am thinking what the hell did I do wrong. I walked up to him and asked and he said ugh you were doing 50 in a 30. I didn't know what to say, said oh that sounds like a good reason. Ended up he didn't give me a ticket as he knew my stepdad and knew me as well through real estate. Told me to just take it easy and slow down.

[JOE_DIRT]

That's pretty funny. Coming back from the tax man on friday in the rain we had a fender bender. Wifey ran into the back of a pickup. The guy was pretty cool and so was she - until the tropper told her that her liscense was suspended! To make a long story(3 hrs in the rain) short, it was an error on DMV's part and they cleared it up on the spot.


Back to the joke - I'm gonna have to use the one about the birth certificate!!!!

[Redfish44]

1 is the best!

[fbbirdhunter]

two detectives were questioning a suspect in the interrogation room.they told him"you came in here with two things,information and a pretty face,your only leaving with one"

[giantfan]

This didn't happen to me, but I remember hearing it somewhere.

A cop pulls a guy over for speeding.

The cop tells the driver that he has been "waiting for him all day".

The driver tells the cop, "well I got here as fast as I could"

As soon as the cop was done laughing he let them go.

I guess sometimes it pays to have a sence of humor.

[trollman]

two detectives were questioning a suspect in the interrogation room.they told him"you came in here with two things,information and a pretty face,your only leaving with one"

something like, if you leave with one you ain't leaving with the other!

[esangler]

The Cop and The Drunk !
>
> A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is
>stumbling back and forth.
>
> A cop on the beat sees him and approaches .. "Can I help you sir?"
>
> "Yessh ! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr," ... the man replies.
>
> The cop asks ... "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"
>
> "It wasss on the end of thisshh key," the man replies.
>
> About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's weiner
>hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.
>
> He asks the man, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing
>yourself?"
>
> Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and
>without missing a beat, blurts out ..
>
> "I'll be damned .. .. My girlfriend's gone, too ! ! !"