HUMDINGER and the stick yoke

[Ace1st]

Well......Boys you might remember HUMDINGER, my Butterball Bustin Buddy from the Spring Turkey Hunt.

He calls me this week and says hes comin into the area and I needed to take a ride with him. Said I wouldnt believe this. I could hardly hear em, told him to roll up his window so I could but he said he could hear me just fine. That wasnt my point HUMDINGER!

To be honest, I was curious as to what he was talkin bout.

Well if you know HUMDINGER, that could be an
understatement. So I said, where you at?

He said, WHERE YOU AT! Screamin at the top of his lungs. I said im in the yard, but you dont have to holler at me, he said OK, Ill see you in a second. I said ok, waitin for his Suburban to pull in any moment. Just about that time, I hear a whirl from above and theres an airplane buzzin the top of my trees. I mean man the wheels were literally touchin the tops of the pines.

First I thought oH MY GOD, that planes crashing!! I ran for the front yard and noticed it make a hard turn to the inside still just feet off the ground. Oh no, I thought this could get ugly thinkin the pilot must have been in trouble.

Thats when I see it coming around right at me with an arm a flailin out the window. Once it was right above me I realized it was HUMDINGER. OH MY GOD........this was worse than a plane crash. HUMDINGERS A PILOT!?

Just then my phone rings and HUMDINGERS wantin know did I see him? Did I see you, Damn HUMDINGER you nearly tore off the top of my house and you thought I didnt see you?

He says where can land......I said land? Are yooooou serious? He says YEAH, I just got my license I wanted to show you my plane. I said HUMDINGER, I dont know if thats a good idea? How much length you need? He said 1500FT, I said, I dont know how far that is! He said, I DONT NEED AS MUCH TO LAND, JUST TO TAKE OFF. That really threw me for a loop. I said go round a few times and Ill see what I can do.

He said OK, WATCH THIS...........and rolled it over on its side pulled up hard and then what sounded like it cut off just pushed me harder to get the cows out of the pasture and out of the way. I called to my dad and said looooook out your window...HUMDINGERS coming in from the east and this could be one to tell the kids about. DAD said what you mean the east? I said you see that spot over the horizon to the east, Dad says I think so, I said thats HUMDINGER and hes a gonna set her down in the big cow pasture.All I heard was CLICK and a black streak of a FORD come flyin out the driveway towards me.

I called HUMDINGER.....told him I was ready and to setup on the BIG PECAN but watch the powerline just north of the tree. He said WHAT POWERLINE, I CANT SEE IT, I said you better go round again and figure it out.....well he does, he buzzes DAD and I again and gives us the A OK from about forty feet off the ground with a thumbs up out the door.

He calls me again, and says IS THAT YOUR DAD? HOWS HEEEE DOING? BEEEEEN CATCHIN ANY FISH? HADNT SE.......... I stopped him and said do you think nows the time to be askin Dad these questions. He said, I GUESS YOUR RIGHT!! IM SETTIN HER DOWN. I said GOOD LUCK! He said, I WAS BOOOORN TO DO THIS!! I told DAD, that boy is something aint he? Dad just rolled his eyes and said you said where did you find that cat anyway!! I said its long story Dad! Dad said well this may be the end of the story!

Needless to say, I was puckered up tighter than a NATS A$$ sittin on a lemon wedge. I was nervous!!

So shore enough, he comes in over the BIG PECAN TREE just as I feel a stiff breeze across his approach. I notice he was hoppin up and down and the plane was seen to be slippin to the left. I looked at Dad and UHH ohh!! Well.......HUMDINGER held on, and with one hand holdin on to the roof and the other I guess on the stick yoke he sat that thing down amongst one hell of a pile of cow paddies. BOYS.....there was COW CHIT flyin everywhere!! It was a site to see. He had em on the windshield, the cowlin, I mean everywhere! I think he even had some on him....at least he said it was COW CHIT. I guess it could have been......well he did make it on the ground without killin himself.

I went over to the plane and he said, you didnt think I could do it did you? I said HUMDINGER, I gotta admit thats exaxctly what i was thinkin! He said, it got a little squirely on me there at the last minute, I said yeah, I thought you were a goner. he said, NAW, I have landed several times. I thought well... I hope so. He said, but this was the first time on dirt. I just shook my head and thought OH MY GOD! And to think he had done this before, what was I thinkin!

He got out and brushed off a bit, I looked it over and said, you get it from UUUUUH... a broker.........he said a broker, NAW.....I bought it from a farmer that was usin it to spray cotton but it kept cuttin off on em. He said the farmer had bought it from one of them BANNER ADVERTISIN places, so he figured it was taken care of. I said, it keeps cuttin off? He said yeah.... but as long as I feathers the throttle it'll fire right back up.

I said you got a license? He just smiled and said yeah I took a crash course down at the community center. I said CRASH COURSE? He smiled!

They said I done good and would make a great pilot so I went out and bought the plane. You know I took that mechanicin class at the career center in high school. He said,I figured the sparkplugs probably needed changin, that farmer didnt look like he knew what he was doin anyway. Them spark plugs was real dirty so I musta helped the way it runs, he stated.

HUMDINGER then says, I figured me and you would srike out this winter and go to CEDAR ISLAND for some duck huntin. Wouldnt take but a couple hours, itll do 140. We can pile the decoys, guns and dog in the back and then just follow the coastline till we notice OCRACOKE and turn till we see Cedar Island. Then he says Ill just sit her down on the beach down from the ferry. How about that? I just stared in disbelief..........uuuuh are you serious? He was!

I said, HUMDINGER........theres no window or doors on the plane, how we gone....he interrupted me and said I knowed youd say that,I knowed it, I got it figured, we would wear one of them extreme cold wetter suits like you see in dem magazines. And I got two of them leather helmuts with goggles that the farmer throwed in on the deal.

I was amazed!

I then said OK, you dont have no GPS or no instruments? He says I got a compass. I said is that what that is? He said as long as I fly in the daylight I wont have no problem. And I dont like flyin very high anyway, I get nervous if I get to high. So we will just fly above the trees then down the beach.

I said HUMDINGER, what about when we go through Camp Lejuene or Cherry Point. He said whats that? A rest stop? I said no, a military installation! He said, military.....you mean a base? I said yes HUMDINGER....a base. You cant fly threw their airspace! He said, surely they wouldnt think we would be no harm to em? I said I dont know but I dont want a F-16 to shoot us down. I said can you see a helicopter gunship pullin up beside us with a gatlin gun aimed at us. Then he said, awe I can probably outrun a helicopter. But youre right, I hadnt thought about that!

I guess not, why would I have thought you had!

I can see it now, me and HUMDINGER in a two seat PIPER with no doors,
full of deoys, a dog, guns and snot frozen to our faces as we fly down the beach through military bases in freezin weather on our way to go duck hunting. LORD HELP ME!

Then HUMDINGER says come on let me take you up. I nearly choked on my Coca Cola. I said, I think Ill let you get some more time under your belt first. He said I understand, If you scared you scared, I said yes HUMDINGER I am Scared.

My Dad, looks over at me and said you better be glad you were scared cause I was gettin ready to answer that question for you. I just rolled my eyes at him....he knew better!

Well, HUMDINGER says I need some fuel, but its got to be something called aviation fuel, can you run me down to the airport with these jugs? I said sure and off we went.

I asked would that be enough to get him home? He said I think so, thats how much I burned on the way down. I said what if you have a head wind, wouldnt that burn more fuel? He just looked at me kinda strange laughed and said where do you think of these things from? That doesnt make sense. I said OK. You be the one with the license. He just smiled and said, yeah.....you dint think i could do it!.

Well, we got his 17 gallons of fuel, topped her off, shook hands and HUMDINGER said he needed to go cause the light was fadin and he needed to be on his way. He figured as long as he was flyin into the sun he shouldnt have much trouble. I started to speak up but Dad stomped on my foot and whispered ITS NO USE SON. Let him go, just let him go.

I reached in rubbed him on the head, said my goodbyes quickly. He was all smiles! We had backed him up as far to the Cow Catch pens as we could and I turned him aloose. He reved that single engine as it sputtered to full with his hand on the roof and the other I guess on the stick yoke, he took off just as he came, flyin COW CHIT everywhere, as he barely made over the treeline I wondered how he would get the cow paddies off the widshield this time? I guess he would just peak out around the window with his Leather Helmut and goggles as he flew into the sunset.

And just as he went outa site over the horizon, my phone rings, its HUMDINGER, I answered, wind howlin and he said IT WAS GOOD SEEING YOU BUDDY, I said, its always a pleasure HUMDINGER! Come back real soon OK! He said, YOU KNOW I WILL. I said, yeah I know you will!

And HUMDINGER flew into the Sunset!

[SeaBiscuit]

As the great Pino says:
"you can't make this shit up!"
thanks for the chuckle brother Ace
SeaBiscuit

[bigfish4me]

That was a great read.

[Joey Herring]

That has to be the funniest thing I have read in a long time!! Thanks Ace!!!

[beaglewoman]

I would have loved to been there to see this.

Great story, thanks for it.

[Bking]

HUMDINGER sounds like one funny dude . Great
Read ACE

[Dave Sikorski]

Nick said it best.

Humdinger sounds like a good guy to have around to keep things interesting.

Thanks for sharing Ace.

-D

[weekender]

awesome read, they need to make a movie about this guy and let him play himself before...........you know.............

[RWW]

sadly I know someone exactly like that, he is into helo's. Built his own in his backyard!
Great story

[WAHOONBOX]

SPEECHLESS.....


SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING PINO'S DAD WOULD DO. NOW THERE'S A REAL ADVENTURER.